Nigeria is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. Years ago a Nigerian child is expected to grow up with his/her father. Today the reverse is the case. Fatherlessness is now strongly contending with fatherhood to determine the features of the Nigerian child. Today as I write to you, about 40% of Nigerian children will go to bed in home in which their fathers do not live with them.
Before the age of 18 years, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend their childhood living apart from their fathers. So many children now lives voluntarily abadoned by their fathers and so many grow up without knowing what it means to have a father. Fatherless is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. If the trend continues, fatherlessness will change the shape of our society.
Kids needs fathers just as they need mothers. They need their fathers as role models as they need their mothers for strength. A father's love is different from a mother's love, and the child needs both in the same way that our bodies needs both food and water for a balance growth.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad
Daddies Day Out With Debo....The fact and truth about fathering in the millennium era - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is,very father can be responsible
Readers are leaders so do people say and believe. I have come to term and agree with this saying because today reading has really put me in the spotlight and I now realized there is always something new to learn each moment I read and I still have more rooms in me for improvements. Was I a keen reader when growing up? No! But I started reading the day my late dad pulled a big one on me that birthed the reader in me. Before we move further let me tell you a little about my late dad. My dad, Mr. Folorunso Adekunle Baiye (1937 – 2002) was a very complex man, too complex to be described as an enigma but yet, very loving, fatherly, supportive and friendly. I call him a social animal for his love for fun and socializing and he was highly respected for his super intelligence, humor and kindness (I am always happy and a bit jealous when people say they are yet to see a man as nice, straight forward and neat as my late dad, because I really want to be better than him). Through out his life time he only struck me thrice, he has won our hearts (my 3 older sisters and I) in such a way that you don’t want to get me angry or disappointed so we try at all times to be good.
Readers are leaders so do people say and believe. I have come to term and agree with this saying because today reading has really put me in the spotlight and I now realized there is always something new to learn each moment I read and I still have more rooms in me for improvements. Was I a keen reader when growing up? No! But I started reading the day my late dad pulled a big one on me that birthed the reader in me. Before we move further let me tell you a little about my late dad. My dad, Mr. Folorunso Adekunle Baiye (1937 – 2002) was a very complex man, too complex to be described as an enigma but yet, very loving, fatherly, supportive and friendly. I call him a social animal for his love for fun and socializing and he was highly respected for his super intelligence, humor and kindness (I am always happy and a bit jealous when people say they are yet to see a man as nice, straight forward and neat as my late dad, because I really want to be better than him). Through out his life time he only struck me thrice, he has won our hearts (my 3 older sisters and I) in such a way that you don’t want to get me angry or disappointed so we try at all times to be good.
Don’t let me paint you a picture of a flawless man for he has his weakness and negative sides too as a man. You know I said I call him a social animal right! My dad drinks, and when I say he drinks I mean serious drinking but even at that, our proper upbringing, good education and happiness were top in his heart and he was ready to do all to see that we got the best. So back to the gist about reading. My dad came home late one night after a drinking spree with his friends, he called my immediate sister and I (the other senior ones were away in their various schools of higher learning). He called for our textbooks and to our surprise, he was asking questions from the texts, he explained some topics to us, he would correct and explain till around 2:00a.m when finally released us to go to bed. I know my dad to be a very brilliant man, there is this game he plays with us, he would ask us to bring different version of the dictionary and you call out any word from A-Z and he would spell the word and tell you the meaning, at times he might not get it right, not because he misses it totally but maybe he juxtapose the letters or meaning. So over time his brilliancy was no longer new or news to us, he was a brilliant dad. I had always believed before this time that his skills with word and good command of language was because of his job, he was a newscaster (English and yoruba) with FRCN. This latest string my dad pulled was just amazing; he treated nearly all the subject except mathematics. Ssshhh, listen carefully, promise me you will not tell my dad this, it is his top secret, my dad does not like mathematics so don’t just go there at all. Did we enjoy what our dad did to us this faithful night he pulled the string? Well the truth is Yes, because his action made us realized he loved and care for our success and No, because it was late at night and moreover we were not use to reading then.
Few days later my sister discovered something she called my attention to. In one of her textbooks, we saw our dad’s writing stating the time he started reading the book and the time he stopped. It was now cleared to us, our dad has been picking our textbooks reading them through becoming prepared and well informed on every of the subject topics. So when we see write on any of our books we quickly picked them and read because you never can tell when he would pull another surprise, remember I said he was a complex man. Was there a side effect to his action? Of course yes. His action made become so disturbed that if my dad who is through with school can be so discipline to pick our books and read them both day and night what excuse then do I have not to read. Today I am a skilled writer, an author, columnist and a prolific speaker. I have series of write ups yet to be completed, I at time need a professional touch of someone better than me and the man that comes to mind is no other than my late dad, at moments like these I cry, smile, miss him a lot and not wanting to disappoint him I pick up my pen and give it my best because that was what he gave me, his best.
Why did I title this write up SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad? Though my late dad gave his best by carefully selecting our schools for good education, he gave us something far better by not just leaving us in the hands of our teacher alone, he was a teacher at home too. He was a brilliant dad yet intelligent enough to know his involvement and time spent with us will make a great difference in us. He wasn’t just the shouting, scolding and correcting type, he believed in teaching us with pictures, w always se this man reading and writing. There is nothing that has a beginning and no end except for God and His blessings. On April 2nd 2002, my super intelligent dad, Folorunso Adekunle Baiye bade the world goodbye. Though my late dad left no houses, cars or bank accounts for us to share but he left something better – he gave us quality education, his quality me, his fatherliness and above all his sincere friendship. Houses can be sold or gutted by fire, cars can be involved in accident and accounts can be frozen or squandered but the things I picked from my dad will outlive me – I packed all his books and they are well kept with the ones I have acquire with time waiting anxiously to hand them over to my own children continuing the legacy my father gave which is the chain of not just being a brilliant dad but an intelligent dad. Remember, there is always something better than the best things you buy with money for the kids; it is the quality time you invest in their growing up process.
These are my questions to you today:
- How much do you spend on books?
- What makes the bulk of the papers in your homes? Sport magazines?
- Is there a dictionary in your home?
- What is our reading habit? Do you read at all?
- Are you involved in your kids’ education?
Think about it.
See you @ The TOP
Monday, January 31, 2011
HOW TO RAISE GOOD KIDS AS FATHERS
The children need our love and attention, so give it to them.
Little children cannot understand the difference between right and wrong actions until they are about two years and above, but we as fathers can help by building a bond with them right from the start. This relationship will make teaching the children good concepts easier. If we can grow a bond with or children by loving them and giving attention they will be more receptive to discipline And teaching of early basic morals like “don’t hit people”, “help pick up the toys”, “share it with others”. The gain of such love, attention and bond is that they grow with a developed sense of conscience, responsibility and respect. They are more reluctant to break our rules when placed alone in tempting situation.
Demand respect from the start by giving it from the start: When children get away with being disrespectful, even as a toddler, they will easily dismiss our moral authority. As fathers we must make the demand for respect strong and clear with love. We must not force it; it must be earned with love. This means we must set rules and don’t cave in when the children balk. You can teach the children respect even before they begin to speak because they see and hear before speaking. So, when your one year plus old baby smacks you, respond by saying NO and show it by moving about their face a finger to show disapproval of their action. For a two year old and above respond by smacking the back of their hand to end you disapproval of such habit. After some minutes bring them close and explain why you did that, say sorry to them and make them say sorry to you too and embrace them in warm hug with re-assuring words like “that’s my angel”, “daddy loves you”, “I’m proud of you champ”.
Emphasize Empathy: In developing our kids’ conscience and building them, we must teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and we must do so by putting ourselves in the kids’ shoes. We must feel what they feel and teach them o always do same to people. Life is give and take, give a child love and the child becomes loving, give attention and the child becomes attentive.
Let your discipline be purpose driven. There is a purpose for everything, our purpose to discipline as fathers goes beyond shouting, flogging or punishing. The purpose is to correct and instill discipline a godly way to go in becoming responsible adults. In helping our children build their conscience e must set rules backed with consequence and in doing this so early we can adopt the 4-R strategy of:
1.) Respond 2.) Review 3.) Reflect and 4.) Right the wrong
· Respond: When our kids do something wrong as a father instead of reacting and beating calmly respond and encourage the kid to think about the action. You might ask, “Why did you do that?”.
· Review: Help the child to know why the action is wrong, say “it does not portray good manner when you don’t greet people”.
· Reflect: Help the kid reflect on the effect on their actions “how would you feel if daddy should do that to you?” “Can you see how you have broken the plate ad make mummy feel unhappy with you?”.
· Right the wrong: There wrong actions must be corrected immediately if not, no lesson is learn and they cannot be blame for repeating such later on. Tell them “so what do you think you should do now?” “Go over to Susan and tell her you are sorry for your actions”, “Will you go over to our mum now, give her a hug and tell her you’re sorry. It won’t happen again”.
Devote time to your children: Often time fathers hardly make themselves available in the raising up of our children. They are quick to hide under the notion that they are busy fending for the family. But I have come to realize that at times the quality little time spent with the children pays more than the best education money can buy. Spend more time with the children. It affords the opportunity of knowing them better. Make sue you seat together at the diner either for breakfast or dinner where you can have time to point out one or two good behavior. Read them bedtime stories or talk them to sleep teaching or talking about morals and good behavior. You can wash the car together, go to the grocery stores together or lawn the grass, these will teach being responsible and dutiful.
Practice what you preach: Kids are best trained in action than with words. If you want your children to be decent and morally sound you must become their number one role model. As a father you don’t lie to your children. You don’t talk haughtily about family members, friends, colleague or neighbors in the presence of the children. If you do, how do you expect the children to behave differently. You are not just a father you re a leader you knows the way, walks the way and must show the way to the children.
See you @ The TOP
Monday, February 22, 2010
DON’T SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD.
Daddies Day Out With debo.....The facts and truth about fathering in the millenium era. - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is, every father can be responsible".
“Hey, Toluwani you better behave yourself else I give a spank across you bum” I yelled at my niece to send a message to her she was overstepping the boundaries which she does deliberately at times to test how often she can do things and get away with it, they (children) all do it, I did, you did it so what should be done?
What is spanking and why must we spank? Spanking means to beat or slap loudly and smartly, especially with the hand, a slipper, belt e.t.c usually on the buttocks.
Though I’m not a father yet, but with my experience teaching, working, helping and counselling children (6 years now), I’ve come to realize that discipline is lacking in both parents and children. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he/she should go when they are old they will not depart from it”. Spanking as a form of discipline is a corrective measure in train up a child. The purpose of spanking is to train, not to punish or vent anger. So many parents due to indiscipline or out of false love have spoilt their children while sparing the rod, a fact to note here is what the Bible says about love and correction “He who the father loves He chastises”
Parents must set boundaries which the children must not cross for the children’s psychological well-being and the children must be made to know the importance of obeying their parents for their own physical safety. A firm boundary must be set backed with immediate and appropriate corrective measures when crossed. These boundaries must be set early in childhood and any defiance should always be answered with an immediate spanking. Parents must learn to teach their children the how and when to listen and obey. As the children grows they start showing some traits of defiance refusing to obey and preferring to have their ways, right at the early discovery of these traits spanking as a corrective measure is most appropriate. To properly do it with love and at the same time effectively, the method of verbal counting down to the actual spanking of 1-2-3. Once the child knows a spanking is coming when you get to 3, you rarely get to 3 before the child listens and obeys. Please note that your children will always want to test your set boundaries, so for you to succeed as a parent your boundaries must be firm, and crossing it must always get a spank; there must be no exceptions no matter how it makes you feel.
When is spanking necessary and useful? Spanking is necessary and useful when children are too young to reason but need to know to obey. Spanking usually becomes necessary by the time children attain the age of two years old and run till age four. When you try to reason with a two year old child, you will know why spanking is valuable. By the time boundaries are well set and enforced the need for spanking will steadily decease from three years on. From age three to six, it’s good to start phasing into time-outs and restrictions as children by now begin to understand and control themselves. Another important tool at this level is to learn to praise children for every good effort and good doings. Please note, after they turn six, spanking should be reduced as a discipline method other method like reasoning, time-out and restriction should be adopted.
When is it right to spank a child? “Success begets success” for a child to learn discipline the parents must first discipline themselves. You must not spank out of anger, transfer of aggression or frustration. Remember spanking is a way of training. Out-of-control, violent or aggressive parents can never have trained or controlled children but abused children. Always spank to correct open and deliberate defiance, refusing to listen or crossing a safety boundary. For sparking to be most effective make it within a short time after the offence, because children have short attention span (one minute per year of age). Immediate spanking is best so they know exactly what they did to get spanked. Note: Nobody but parents should spank the child unless such people understands the parents boundaries and conditions and have the parents’ permission to spank.
What is appropriate spanking? The idea of spanking is to train by making the child feel the pain for defiance but never to cause injuries. Appropriate spanking is striking with an open hand until you see tears and should be on the buttock. Do not slap, belt or starve a child as a form of correcting defiance. Discipline is the most difficult task in parenting. A parent must be disciplined to instil discipline into a child. To be discipline means to do the right things all the time including disciplining a child as at when, where and how necessary. Early and consistent discipline will save both parents and children from difficult times in the future, early and properly administered discipline will improve the child’s self esteem, education and help avoid adolescent and young adult train wrecks so, dear parents always have it at the back of your minds that spanking is to correct out of love, it must not be abused or become violent. It is a better alternative to screaming at a child, name calling, ignoring a child and letting him/her run wild. Be disciplined and methodical on spanking, remember “Sparing the rod will only result to spoiling the child”.
“Hey, Toluwani you better behave yourself else I give a spank across you bum” I yelled at my niece to send a message to her she was overstepping the boundaries which she does deliberately at times to test how often she can do things and get away with it, they (children) all do it, I did, you did it so what should be done?
What is spanking and why must we spank? Spanking means to beat or slap loudly and smartly, especially with the hand, a slipper, belt e.t.c usually on the buttocks.
Though I’m not a father yet, but with my experience teaching, working, helping and counselling children (6 years now), I’ve come to realize that discipline is lacking in both parents and children. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he/she should go when they are old they will not depart from it”. Spanking as a form of discipline is a corrective measure in train up a child. The purpose of spanking is to train, not to punish or vent anger. So many parents due to indiscipline or out of false love have spoilt their children while sparing the rod, a fact to note here is what the Bible says about love and correction “He who the father loves He chastises”
Parents must set boundaries which the children must not cross for the children’s psychological well-being and the children must be made to know the importance of obeying their parents for their own physical safety. A firm boundary must be set backed with immediate and appropriate corrective measures when crossed. These boundaries must be set early in childhood and any defiance should always be answered with an immediate spanking. Parents must learn to teach their children the how and when to listen and obey. As the children grows they start showing some traits of defiance refusing to obey and preferring to have their ways, right at the early discovery of these traits spanking as a corrective measure is most appropriate. To properly do it with love and at the same time effectively, the method of verbal counting down to the actual spanking of 1-2-3. Once the child knows a spanking is coming when you get to 3, you rarely get to 3 before the child listens and obeys. Please note that your children will always want to test your set boundaries, so for you to succeed as a parent your boundaries must be firm, and crossing it must always get a spank; there must be no exceptions no matter how it makes you feel.
When is spanking necessary and useful? Spanking is necessary and useful when children are too young to reason but need to know to obey. Spanking usually becomes necessary by the time children attain the age of two years old and run till age four. When you try to reason with a two year old child, you will know why spanking is valuable. By the time boundaries are well set and enforced the need for spanking will steadily decease from three years on. From age three to six, it’s good to start phasing into time-outs and restrictions as children by now begin to understand and control themselves. Another important tool at this level is to learn to praise children for every good effort and good doings. Please note, after they turn six, spanking should be reduced as a discipline method other method like reasoning, time-out and restriction should be adopted.
When is it right to spank a child? “Success begets success” for a child to learn discipline the parents must first discipline themselves. You must not spank out of anger, transfer of aggression or frustration. Remember spanking is a way of training. Out-of-control, violent or aggressive parents can never have trained or controlled children but abused children. Always spank to correct open and deliberate defiance, refusing to listen or crossing a safety boundary. For sparking to be most effective make it within a short time after the offence, because children have short attention span (one minute per year of age). Immediate spanking is best so they know exactly what they did to get spanked. Note: Nobody but parents should spank the child unless such people understands the parents boundaries and conditions and have the parents’ permission to spank.
What is appropriate spanking? The idea of spanking is to train by making the child feel the pain for defiance but never to cause injuries. Appropriate spanking is striking with an open hand until you see tears and should be on the buttock. Do not slap, belt or starve a child as a form of correcting defiance. Discipline is the most difficult task in parenting. A parent must be disciplined to instil discipline into a child. To be discipline means to do the right things all the time including disciplining a child as at when, where and how necessary. Early and consistent discipline will save both parents and children from difficult times in the future, early and properly administered discipline will improve the child’s self esteem, education and help avoid adolescent and young adult train wrecks so, dear parents always have it at the back of your minds that spanking is to correct out of love, it must not be abused or become violent. It is a better alternative to screaming at a child, name calling, ignoring a child and letting him/her run wild. Be disciplined and methodical on spanking, remember “Sparing the rod will only result to spoiling the child”.
Monday, February 1, 2010
TEEN PREGNANCY – A father’s guide for the girl child(ren)
What is teen pregnancy? Teen Pregnancy is a situation where an underage girl is put in the family way either married or unmarried.
So many factors have been said to be responsible for teen pregnancy such as:
Broken Homes: Dysfunctional families set the stage for teen pregnancy for girls from such homes have volatile relationships with their mothers and no relationships with their fathers or vice versa.
Rape: A victim of rape might be traumatised to an extent that triggers emotional pain that may later become manifested into destructive conducts. Sexual abuses like rape brings a feeling of self worthlessness, hatred and lost of control.
Overconfidence and curiosity: Some teens have become mothers as a result of their own foolishness, they are confident of being capable of doing anything, forgetting also they are capable of having a baby. Some fall victims by experimenting with sex because of curiosity, there is a belief there is something they are missing out there.
Ignorance: Some youths do not understand the connection between sex and pregnancy. Often time most teen mothers are often shocked or surprised to find they are pregnant even though knowing what they have done and the consequences involved.
Our present day world is another major influence on teen pregnancy: We live in an era where people are lovers of pleasures than lovers of God. There is a non-chalant attitude towards sex, nobody seem to be perturb as everyone is out for fun. No longer is having a baby out of wedlock seen as a shameful act, some teenagers even view having a baby as some sort of status symbol.
Fathers are the most important factor after God required in protecting the girl child(ren) from teen pregnancy. We must be a source of good example and information for our daughter(s). We should be the first line of defence in the war against teen pregnancy. Bose a teen mother who got pregnant as the age of 17 while still in S.S 2 said though her parents worked hard to provide for her material needs, she still craved and feel the emotional void created by the absence of her ever too busy father.
The fact is, it is a very painful and heartbreaking experience when a girl who is still a child herself becomes pregnant and unmarried. But the truth is teen pregnancy is real and on the wide spread in a way it touches all of us either as a father, uncle, brother or neighbour. I have earlier said that fathers are the next most important factor after God in protecting the girl child(ren) against teen pregnancy. Here are few tips for every father and fathers-to- be on how to protect our daughter(s):
Become a confidential friend: Most African fathers love to be feared, they see a friendly relationship between themselves and their daughter(s) as unethical, a western idea that is wrong. It is time to do away with traditions and embraced knowledge which is the truth. It is important that we build a relationship of trust with our daughter(s). Are you a confidential friend to your daughter(s)? Do you really listen to your daughter(s)? Does your daughter(s) feel comfortable in bringing problems to you? Are you quicker to condemn than to praise? Do you take time to know your daughters, do they have friends? Who are they? Do not be afraid to set firm boundaries or render loving discipline.
Never over look the dangers facing your daughter(s): Most fathers don’t know their daughters. Based on their abilities and status in meeting their daughter’s physical or material need they feel too comfortable that their daughters are free from pre-marital sex or teen pregnancy. Take out time to teach them about God’s love and to keep His commandments right from infancy, teach them Bible morals, read and study the Bible with them, pray with and for them as a family. Give them accurate information about sex. Someone might want to say but I did all these yet my daughter went ahead and got pregnant, what do I do? If you find yourself in situation like this please never think of abortion, God is against it, the law of the land is against it. It not just a murderous act it is equally suicidal even for your daughter. In the process of getting rid of the pregnancy you may lose your daughter too. You need to show such child(ren) love, help and support, help her to go through her ordeal physically, emotionally, financially and psychology. Instead of castigating, help the girl to retrace her steps. Also remember a child born out of wedlock or to teen mother need not to be stigmatised, lot of love is to be shown on the baby too, the baby have done nothing wrong and being a product of some youth naivety does not make such a child less a normal child or hated by God.
The best defence against teen pregnancy is YOU, turn your daughters to God with love and your constant presence in the formative and teenage years, this is more than any classroom education.
Some bitter facts about teen pregnancy
From a recent survey carried out on teen pregnancy the following facts were deduced reflecting the realities faced by pregnant teens:
· 4 out 20 girls become pregnant or have gone through abortion before attaining age 20.
· About 40% of teen mothers are under 18 years of age.
· Children of teen parents suffers higher rate of abuse and neglect than children of older parents.
· Only 3 out of 10 teen mothers go back to complete their education.
· Nearly 80% of the fathers responsible for such pregnancies marry the teen mothers of their babies.
· Only 20% of teen mothers who marries after their child is born remain in such marriages, teen marriages are twice as likely to fail compare to marriages in which the woman is at least 2 5 years of age.
· Children of teen mothers are most likely to be born prematurely which might lead to blindness, deafness, chronic respiratory problems, mental retardation, celebral palsy, dyslexia, hyper activeness or infant death.
See you @ The TOP.
So many factors have been said to be responsible for teen pregnancy such as:
Broken Homes: Dysfunctional families set the stage for teen pregnancy for girls from such homes have volatile relationships with their mothers and no relationships with their fathers or vice versa.
Rape: A victim of rape might be traumatised to an extent that triggers emotional pain that may later become manifested into destructive conducts. Sexual abuses like rape brings a feeling of self worthlessness, hatred and lost of control.
Overconfidence and curiosity: Some teens have become mothers as a result of their own foolishness, they are confident of being capable of doing anything, forgetting also they are capable of having a baby. Some fall victims by experimenting with sex because of curiosity, there is a belief there is something they are missing out there.
Ignorance: Some youths do not understand the connection between sex and pregnancy. Often time most teen mothers are often shocked or surprised to find they are pregnant even though knowing what they have done and the consequences involved.
Our present day world is another major influence on teen pregnancy: We live in an era where people are lovers of pleasures than lovers of God. There is a non-chalant attitude towards sex, nobody seem to be perturb as everyone is out for fun. No longer is having a baby out of wedlock seen as a shameful act, some teenagers even view having a baby as some sort of status symbol.
Fathers are the most important factor after God required in protecting the girl child(ren) from teen pregnancy. We must be a source of good example and information for our daughter(s). We should be the first line of defence in the war against teen pregnancy. Bose a teen mother who got pregnant as the age of 17 while still in S.S 2 said though her parents worked hard to provide for her material needs, she still craved and feel the emotional void created by the absence of her ever too busy father.
The fact is, it is a very painful and heartbreaking experience when a girl who is still a child herself becomes pregnant and unmarried. But the truth is teen pregnancy is real and on the wide spread in a way it touches all of us either as a father, uncle, brother or neighbour. I have earlier said that fathers are the next most important factor after God in protecting the girl child(ren) against teen pregnancy. Here are few tips for every father and fathers-to- be on how to protect our daughter(s):
Become a confidential friend: Most African fathers love to be feared, they see a friendly relationship between themselves and their daughter(s) as unethical, a western idea that is wrong. It is time to do away with traditions and embraced knowledge which is the truth. It is important that we build a relationship of trust with our daughter(s). Are you a confidential friend to your daughter(s)? Do you really listen to your daughter(s)? Does your daughter(s) feel comfortable in bringing problems to you? Are you quicker to condemn than to praise? Do you take time to know your daughters, do they have friends? Who are they? Do not be afraid to set firm boundaries or render loving discipline.
Never over look the dangers facing your daughter(s): Most fathers don’t know their daughters. Based on their abilities and status in meeting their daughter’s physical or material need they feel too comfortable that their daughters are free from pre-marital sex or teen pregnancy. Take out time to teach them about God’s love and to keep His commandments right from infancy, teach them Bible morals, read and study the Bible with them, pray with and for them as a family. Give them accurate information about sex. Someone might want to say but I did all these yet my daughter went ahead and got pregnant, what do I do? If you find yourself in situation like this please never think of abortion, God is against it, the law of the land is against it. It not just a murderous act it is equally suicidal even for your daughter. In the process of getting rid of the pregnancy you may lose your daughter too. You need to show such child(ren) love, help and support, help her to go through her ordeal physically, emotionally, financially and psychology. Instead of castigating, help the girl to retrace her steps. Also remember a child born out of wedlock or to teen mother need not to be stigmatised, lot of love is to be shown on the baby too, the baby have done nothing wrong and being a product of some youth naivety does not make such a child less a normal child or hated by God.
The best defence against teen pregnancy is YOU, turn your daughters to God with love and your constant presence in the formative and teenage years, this is more than any classroom education.
Some bitter facts about teen pregnancy
From a recent survey carried out on teen pregnancy the following facts were deduced reflecting the realities faced by pregnant teens:
· 4 out 20 girls become pregnant or have gone through abortion before attaining age 20.
· About 40% of teen mothers are under 18 years of age.
· Children of teen parents suffers higher rate of abuse and neglect than children of older parents.
· Only 3 out of 10 teen mothers go back to complete their education.
· Nearly 80% of the fathers responsible for such pregnancies marry the teen mothers of their babies.
· Only 20% of teen mothers who marries after their child is born remain in such marriages, teen marriages are twice as likely to fail compare to marriages in which the woman is at least 2 5 years of age.
· Children of teen mothers are most likely to be born prematurely which might lead to blindness, deafness, chronic respiratory problems, mental retardation, celebral palsy, dyslexia, hyper activeness or infant death.
See you @ The TOP.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Daddies day out with Debo. The facts and Truth about fathering in the millenium era...The fact is, not every father can be said to be responsible. But the truth is , every father can be responsible
THE GOLDEN RULE OF FATHERING A DAUGHTER – Show your daughter what a good husband is.
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you will want them to do you”
As I lay on the couch watching the Beckley premiership game between Manchester United and Manchester City, my fiancé walked in with her hands filled with bags from the grocery shopping she had gone with my niece who equally had a handful of shopping bags. Clearly their outing has been stressful.
The dirty dishes from the day breakfast (which she was not even part of) still piled high in the sink and the dining table littered with books from my writing activities and the question I deemed best to ask was not, ‘how was your outing’?, not ‘how are you or how do you feel’? Instead it was ‘what’s for lunch’? I have not finish asking that when it dawned on my consciousness that I would not for any reason want any man talk to any of my sisters, nieces not to mention my daughter(s) the way I just spoke and treated my fiancé. Even the look on my niece’s face confirmed her disappointment in my rather self-centred question.
As fathers, do you know you can help your daughter(s) develop their expectations for their would-be husbands by how you treat their mothers – your wives today? The fact is you cannot determine or choose who your daughter(s) will marry neither can you guarantee that everything will go well with their marriages. But the truth is if you are controlling, demanding and lazy, you will influence your daughter(s) negatively into believing that is a typical male behaviour. Children are better taught with pictures, never forget your daughter(s) are watching, their brains like a camcorder are running and recording. Your willingness to help out with chores around the house, your love and affection to your wife will give your daughter(s) the picture of what a unique and loving relationship should look like. Your example will guide them in their choice of a male partner to spend their time and life with. You must treat your wives the way you would want your future sons-in-law to treat your daughter(s).
See you @ The TOP
THE GOLDEN RULE OF FATHERING A DAUGHTER – Show your daughter what a good husband is.
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you will want them to do you”
As I lay on the couch watching the Beckley premiership game between Manchester United and Manchester City, my fiancé walked in with her hands filled with bags from the grocery shopping she had gone with my niece who equally had a handful of shopping bags. Clearly their outing has been stressful.
The dirty dishes from the day breakfast (which she was not even part of) still piled high in the sink and the dining table littered with books from my writing activities and the question I deemed best to ask was not, ‘how was your outing’?, not ‘how are you or how do you feel’? Instead it was ‘what’s for lunch’? I have not finish asking that when it dawned on my consciousness that I would not for any reason want any man talk to any of my sisters, nieces not to mention my daughter(s) the way I just spoke and treated my fiancé. Even the look on my niece’s face confirmed her disappointment in my rather self-centred question.
As fathers, do you know you can help your daughter(s) develop their expectations for their would-be husbands by how you treat their mothers – your wives today? The fact is you cannot determine or choose who your daughter(s) will marry neither can you guarantee that everything will go well with their marriages. But the truth is if you are controlling, demanding and lazy, you will influence your daughter(s) negatively into believing that is a typical male behaviour. Children are better taught with pictures, never forget your daughter(s) are watching, their brains like a camcorder are running and recording. Your willingness to help out with chores around the house, your love and affection to your wife will give your daughter(s) the picture of what a unique and loving relationship should look like. Your example will guide them in their choice of a male partner to spend their time and life with. You must treat your wives the way you would want your future sons-in-law to treat your daughter(s).
See you @ The TOP
Monday, January 11, 2010
HOW TO FATHER A 'LOVE-SANE' CHILDREN IN A 'SEX-CRAZED' WORLD
Daddies Day Out With Debo........The facts and truth about fathering in the millenium era. The fact is every father cannot be said to be responsible but the truth is every father can be responsible.
Calvary greetings to you all my esteem readers, followers, friends and co-fathers. Compliments of the season and welcome to the year 2010. 2010 is a year that has a lot in stock for us all and I want to use this medium to encourage everyone of us that the good Lord who had called us into this fathering ministry is all we need to achieve the desired result concerning our kids, so let us trust in Him like never before and He will never fail us. Before I go into our topic proper I want to use this opportunity to correct an error that has been re-occuring in the write-ups since last year, the slogan is ...."The fact is every father canot be said to be responsible ,but the truth is every father can be responsible" as against "The truth is every father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father ban be responsible". Please I take responsibility for this error and plead for your indulgence on that, necessary correction have been effected. Don't let me bore you by keeping your reading appetite waiting, enjoy reading and please endeavor to post your comment after reading.
Once again welcome to 2010, a year with a lot in stock for every father. Read on:
It amazes me at times the various newspapers headline and gist that freely fly around on teen pregnancies and pre-marital sex. Teen pregnancies and pre-marital sex have been attributed to so many factors like the influx of western culture, technology, poverty and single parenthood. But too shocking and revealing is the truth when you hear or read stories like – “Pastor’s daughter pregnant” or “Rich man’s daughter dies during abortion” and so many more. We sometimes wonder why these kids get involve if truly they have al they want in life, so we think but our thinking cab be wrong.
The fact is as fathers we might be doing our best to give our children the best, pay their tuition fees, buy them toys, computers, DSTV/DVD, buy them the latest designer’s clothes, take them out on vacations in and out of the country, go on picnic together and spend time with them, watching movies together as a family the truth is WHAT IS THE QUALITY OF OUR TIME & RELATIONSHIP with our child(ren)?.
Fathers please don’t be naive about your kids and sex. Recognize that children are having sex at early age, and that your kids are not immune to sexual temptation. In my recent findings 4 out of every 10 college students have experienced oral sex, 15% have participated in anal sex, and more heterosexual act is on the increase. Sex to the today’s youth is defined “I can do anything, anywhere with anybody”, a very destructive sexual ethic which if not quickly checked will and can be carried into adulthood. Have you tried to learn why these relatively innocent children become sexually promiscuous young adult? We easily blame in on peer pressure, the media, their schools for either teaching or not teaching about sex education, but like the Western African proverb says “The lizard cannot enter into the walls if there are no holes in the walls”. These intruders and strangers we point accusing fingers at usually find their way into our children’ heart through our ignorance, silence and carelessness as fathers on sexual matters. If they don’t receive that first taste of love and self worth from us, they will get it elsewhere at a cost. Why do we have to let our kids struggle for intimacy and acceptance at the expense of their precious body?
Curiosity kills the cat, if you as a father fail to answer your children’s curiosities and questions, someone else will, don’t forget our intruders, the media, peer group, sex educators. Be opened with your child(ren) about sex education; let them learn from your mistakes if any and your convictions now. Encourage an open-end relationship with you, encourage them to ask questions and take time to answer them in the appropriate way. Our kids no matter the standard of their schools or qualification of their teachers can learn better and faster than they can do from the parents, but too bad, according to a survey only 15% of mothers and 8% of fathers ever talked to their children about sexual intercourse.
Let us teach the children the many good reasons to wait. Sexually active teens risk great physical harm to their bodies, millions contract sexually transmitted diseases. 4 out of 9 active teenage girls get pregnant; many have already been opened to abortion. Most of these innocent children have suffered emotional harm and mostly wind up feeling used, cheap and empty. Premarital sex strains present boy/girl relationships and destroys future relationships (lack of trust, haunted comparisons).
What can I do, the world is sex-crazy? my child(ren) are already caught deep in the web? My children are innocent why border them?
Parenting is a battle and the father leads the battle. No great general goes to the battle field without a plan, your battle plan is your fatherly involvement. You are the greatest resource your kids have if they are to grow up to be“love-sane” adults in our today’s “sex-crazed” world.
See you @ the TOP.
The fact is as fathers we might be doing our best to give our children the best, pay their tuition fees, buy them toys, computers, DSTV/DVD, buy them the latest designer’s clothes, take them out on vacations in and out of the country, go on picnic together and spend time with them, watching movies together as a family the truth is WHAT IS THE QUALITY OF OUR TIME & RELATIONSHIP with our child(ren)?.
Fathers please don’t be naive about your kids and sex. Recognize that children are having sex at early age, and that your kids are not immune to sexual temptation. In my recent findings 4 out of every 10 college students have experienced oral sex, 15% have participated in anal sex, and more heterosexual act is on the increase. Sex to the today’s youth is defined “I can do anything, anywhere with anybody”, a very destructive sexual ethic which if not quickly checked will and can be carried into adulthood. Have you tried to learn why these relatively innocent children become sexually promiscuous young adult? We easily blame in on peer pressure, the media, their schools for either teaching or not teaching about sex education, but like the Western African proverb says “The lizard cannot enter into the walls if there are no holes in the walls”. These intruders and strangers we point accusing fingers at usually find their way into our children’ heart through our ignorance, silence and carelessness as fathers on sexual matters. If they don’t receive that first taste of love and self worth from us, they will get it elsewhere at a cost. Why do we have to let our kids struggle for intimacy and acceptance at the expense of their precious body?
Curiosity kills the cat, if you as a father fail to answer your children’s curiosities and questions, someone else will, don’t forget our intruders, the media, peer group, sex educators. Be opened with your child(ren) about sex education; let them learn from your mistakes if any and your convictions now. Encourage an open-end relationship with you, encourage them to ask questions and take time to answer them in the appropriate way. Our kids no matter the standard of their schools or qualification of their teachers can learn better and faster than they can do from the parents, but too bad, according to a survey only 15% of mothers and 8% of fathers ever talked to their children about sexual intercourse.
Let us teach the children the many good reasons to wait. Sexually active teens risk great physical harm to their bodies, millions contract sexually transmitted diseases. 4 out of 9 active teenage girls get pregnant; many have already been opened to abortion. Most of these innocent children have suffered emotional harm and mostly wind up feeling used, cheap and empty. Premarital sex strains present boy/girl relationships and destroys future relationships (lack of trust, haunted comparisons).
What can I do, the world is sex-crazy? my child(ren) are already caught deep in the web? My children are innocent why border them?
Parenting is a battle and the father leads the battle. No great general goes to the battle field without a plan, your battle plan is your fatherly involvement. You are the greatest resource your kids have if they are to grow up to be“love-sane” adults in our today’s “sex-crazed” world.
See you @ the TOP.
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