Daddies Day Out With debo.....The facts and truth about fathering in the millenium era. - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is, every father can be responsible".
“Hey, Toluwani you better behave yourself else I give a spank across you bum” I yelled at my niece to send a message to her she was overstepping the boundaries which she does deliberately at times to test how often she can do things and get away with it, they (children) all do it, I did, you did it so what should be done?
What is spanking and why must we spank? Spanking means to beat or slap loudly and smartly, especially with the hand, a slipper, belt e.t.c usually on the buttocks.
Though I’m not a father yet, but with my experience teaching, working, helping and counselling children (6 years now), I’ve come to realize that discipline is lacking in both parents and children. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he/she should go when they are old they will not depart from it”. Spanking as a form of discipline is a corrective measure in train up a child. The purpose of spanking is to train, not to punish or vent anger. So many parents due to indiscipline or out of false love have spoilt their children while sparing the rod, a fact to note here is what the Bible says about love and correction “He who the father loves He chastises”
Parents must set boundaries which the children must not cross for the children’s psychological well-being and the children must be made to know the importance of obeying their parents for their own physical safety. A firm boundary must be set backed with immediate and appropriate corrective measures when crossed. These boundaries must be set early in childhood and any defiance should always be answered with an immediate spanking. Parents must learn to teach their children the how and when to listen and obey. As the children grows they start showing some traits of defiance refusing to obey and preferring to have their ways, right at the early discovery of these traits spanking as a corrective measure is most appropriate. To properly do it with love and at the same time effectively, the method of verbal counting down to the actual spanking of 1-2-3. Once the child knows a spanking is coming when you get to 3, you rarely get to 3 before the child listens and obeys. Please note that your children will always want to test your set boundaries, so for you to succeed as a parent your boundaries must be firm, and crossing it must always get a spank; there must be no exceptions no matter how it makes you feel.
When is spanking necessary and useful? Spanking is necessary and useful when children are too young to reason but need to know to obey. Spanking usually becomes necessary by the time children attain the age of two years old and run till age four. When you try to reason with a two year old child, you will know why spanking is valuable. By the time boundaries are well set and enforced the need for spanking will steadily decease from three years on. From age three to six, it’s good to start phasing into time-outs and restrictions as children by now begin to understand and control themselves. Another important tool at this level is to learn to praise children for every good effort and good doings. Please note, after they turn six, spanking should be reduced as a discipline method other method like reasoning, time-out and restriction should be adopted.
When is it right to spank a child? “Success begets success” for a child to learn discipline the parents must first discipline themselves. You must not spank out of anger, transfer of aggression or frustration. Remember spanking is a way of training. Out-of-control, violent or aggressive parents can never have trained or controlled children but abused children. Always spank to correct open and deliberate defiance, refusing to listen or crossing a safety boundary. For sparking to be most effective make it within a short time after the offence, because children have short attention span (one minute per year of age). Immediate spanking is best so they know exactly what they did to get spanked. Note: Nobody but parents should spank the child unless such people understands the parents boundaries and conditions and have the parents’ permission to spank.
What is appropriate spanking? The idea of spanking is to train by making the child feel the pain for defiance but never to cause injuries. Appropriate spanking is striking with an open hand until you see tears and should be on the buttock. Do not slap, belt or starve a child as a form of correcting defiance. Discipline is the most difficult task in parenting. A parent must be disciplined to instil discipline into a child. To be discipline means to do the right things all the time including disciplining a child as at when, where and how necessary. Early and consistent discipline will save both parents and children from difficult times in the future, early and properly administered discipline will improve the child’s self esteem, education and help avoid adolescent and young adult train wrecks so, dear parents always have it at the back of your minds that spanking is to correct out of love, it must not be abused or become violent. It is a better alternative to screaming at a child, name calling, ignoring a child and letting him/her run wild. Be disciplined and methodical on spanking, remember “Sparing the rod will only result to spoiling the child”.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
TEEN PREGNANCY – A father’s guide for the girl child(ren)
What is teen pregnancy? Teen Pregnancy is a situation where an underage girl is put in the family way either married or unmarried.
So many factors have been said to be responsible for teen pregnancy such as:
Broken Homes: Dysfunctional families set the stage for teen pregnancy for girls from such homes have volatile relationships with their mothers and no relationships with their fathers or vice versa.
Rape: A victim of rape might be traumatised to an extent that triggers emotional pain that may later become manifested into destructive conducts. Sexual abuses like rape brings a feeling of self worthlessness, hatred and lost of control.
Overconfidence and curiosity: Some teens have become mothers as a result of their own foolishness, they are confident of being capable of doing anything, forgetting also they are capable of having a baby. Some fall victims by experimenting with sex because of curiosity, there is a belief there is something they are missing out there.
Ignorance: Some youths do not understand the connection between sex and pregnancy. Often time most teen mothers are often shocked or surprised to find they are pregnant even though knowing what they have done and the consequences involved.
Our present day world is another major influence on teen pregnancy: We live in an era where people are lovers of pleasures than lovers of God. There is a non-chalant attitude towards sex, nobody seem to be perturb as everyone is out for fun. No longer is having a baby out of wedlock seen as a shameful act, some teenagers even view having a baby as some sort of status symbol.
Fathers are the most important factor after God required in protecting the girl child(ren) from teen pregnancy. We must be a source of good example and information for our daughter(s). We should be the first line of defence in the war against teen pregnancy. Bose a teen mother who got pregnant as the age of 17 while still in S.S 2 said though her parents worked hard to provide for her material needs, she still craved and feel the emotional void created by the absence of her ever too busy father.
The fact is, it is a very painful and heartbreaking experience when a girl who is still a child herself becomes pregnant and unmarried. But the truth is teen pregnancy is real and on the wide spread in a way it touches all of us either as a father, uncle, brother or neighbour. I have earlier said that fathers are the next most important factor after God in protecting the girl child(ren) against teen pregnancy. Here are few tips for every father and fathers-to- be on how to protect our daughter(s):
Become a confidential friend: Most African fathers love to be feared, they see a friendly relationship between themselves and their daughter(s) as unethical, a western idea that is wrong. It is time to do away with traditions and embraced knowledge which is the truth. It is important that we build a relationship of trust with our daughter(s). Are you a confidential friend to your daughter(s)? Do you really listen to your daughter(s)? Does your daughter(s) feel comfortable in bringing problems to you? Are you quicker to condemn than to praise? Do you take time to know your daughters, do they have friends? Who are they? Do not be afraid to set firm boundaries or render loving discipline.
Never over look the dangers facing your daughter(s): Most fathers don’t know their daughters. Based on their abilities and status in meeting their daughter’s physical or material need they feel too comfortable that their daughters are free from pre-marital sex or teen pregnancy. Take out time to teach them about God’s love and to keep His commandments right from infancy, teach them Bible morals, read and study the Bible with them, pray with and for them as a family. Give them accurate information about sex. Someone might want to say but I did all these yet my daughter went ahead and got pregnant, what do I do? If you find yourself in situation like this please never think of abortion, God is against it, the law of the land is against it. It not just a murderous act it is equally suicidal even for your daughter. In the process of getting rid of the pregnancy you may lose your daughter too. You need to show such child(ren) love, help and support, help her to go through her ordeal physically, emotionally, financially and psychology. Instead of castigating, help the girl to retrace her steps. Also remember a child born out of wedlock or to teen mother need not to be stigmatised, lot of love is to be shown on the baby too, the baby have done nothing wrong and being a product of some youth naivety does not make such a child less a normal child or hated by God.
The best defence against teen pregnancy is YOU, turn your daughters to God with love and your constant presence in the formative and teenage years, this is more than any classroom education.
Some bitter facts about teen pregnancy
From a recent survey carried out on teen pregnancy the following facts were deduced reflecting the realities faced by pregnant teens:
· 4 out 20 girls become pregnant or have gone through abortion before attaining age 20.
· About 40% of teen mothers are under 18 years of age.
· Children of teen parents suffers higher rate of abuse and neglect than children of older parents.
· Only 3 out of 10 teen mothers go back to complete their education.
· Nearly 80% of the fathers responsible for such pregnancies marry the teen mothers of their babies.
· Only 20% of teen mothers who marries after their child is born remain in such marriages, teen marriages are twice as likely to fail compare to marriages in which the woman is at least 2 5 years of age.
· Children of teen mothers are most likely to be born prematurely which might lead to blindness, deafness, chronic respiratory problems, mental retardation, celebral palsy, dyslexia, hyper activeness or infant death.
See you @ The TOP.
So many factors have been said to be responsible for teen pregnancy such as:
Broken Homes: Dysfunctional families set the stage for teen pregnancy for girls from such homes have volatile relationships with their mothers and no relationships with their fathers or vice versa.
Rape: A victim of rape might be traumatised to an extent that triggers emotional pain that may later become manifested into destructive conducts. Sexual abuses like rape brings a feeling of self worthlessness, hatred and lost of control.
Overconfidence and curiosity: Some teens have become mothers as a result of their own foolishness, they are confident of being capable of doing anything, forgetting also they are capable of having a baby. Some fall victims by experimenting with sex because of curiosity, there is a belief there is something they are missing out there.
Ignorance: Some youths do not understand the connection between sex and pregnancy. Often time most teen mothers are often shocked or surprised to find they are pregnant even though knowing what they have done and the consequences involved.
Our present day world is another major influence on teen pregnancy: We live in an era where people are lovers of pleasures than lovers of God. There is a non-chalant attitude towards sex, nobody seem to be perturb as everyone is out for fun. No longer is having a baby out of wedlock seen as a shameful act, some teenagers even view having a baby as some sort of status symbol.
Fathers are the most important factor after God required in protecting the girl child(ren) from teen pregnancy. We must be a source of good example and information for our daughter(s). We should be the first line of defence in the war against teen pregnancy. Bose a teen mother who got pregnant as the age of 17 while still in S.S 2 said though her parents worked hard to provide for her material needs, she still craved and feel the emotional void created by the absence of her ever too busy father.
The fact is, it is a very painful and heartbreaking experience when a girl who is still a child herself becomes pregnant and unmarried. But the truth is teen pregnancy is real and on the wide spread in a way it touches all of us either as a father, uncle, brother or neighbour. I have earlier said that fathers are the next most important factor after God in protecting the girl child(ren) against teen pregnancy. Here are few tips for every father and fathers-to- be on how to protect our daughter(s):
Become a confidential friend: Most African fathers love to be feared, they see a friendly relationship between themselves and their daughter(s) as unethical, a western idea that is wrong. It is time to do away with traditions and embraced knowledge which is the truth. It is important that we build a relationship of trust with our daughter(s). Are you a confidential friend to your daughter(s)? Do you really listen to your daughter(s)? Does your daughter(s) feel comfortable in bringing problems to you? Are you quicker to condemn than to praise? Do you take time to know your daughters, do they have friends? Who are they? Do not be afraid to set firm boundaries or render loving discipline.
Never over look the dangers facing your daughter(s): Most fathers don’t know their daughters. Based on their abilities and status in meeting their daughter’s physical or material need they feel too comfortable that their daughters are free from pre-marital sex or teen pregnancy. Take out time to teach them about God’s love and to keep His commandments right from infancy, teach them Bible morals, read and study the Bible with them, pray with and for them as a family. Give them accurate information about sex. Someone might want to say but I did all these yet my daughter went ahead and got pregnant, what do I do? If you find yourself in situation like this please never think of abortion, God is against it, the law of the land is against it. It not just a murderous act it is equally suicidal even for your daughter. In the process of getting rid of the pregnancy you may lose your daughter too. You need to show such child(ren) love, help and support, help her to go through her ordeal physically, emotionally, financially and psychology. Instead of castigating, help the girl to retrace her steps. Also remember a child born out of wedlock or to teen mother need not to be stigmatised, lot of love is to be shown on the baby too, the baby have done nothing wrong and being a product of some youth naivety does not make such a child less a normal child or hated by God.
The best defence against teen pregnancy is YOU, turn your daughters to God with love and your constant presence in the formative and teenage years, this is more than any classroom education.
Some bitter facts about teen pregnancy
From a recent survey carried out on teen pregnancy the following facts were deduced reflecting the realities faced by pregnant teens:
· 4 out 20 girls become pregnant or have gone through abortion before attaining age 20.
· About 40% of teen mothers are under 18 years of age.
· Children of teen parents suffers higher rate of abuse and neglect than children of older parents.
· Only 3 out of 10 teen mothers go back to complete their education.
· Nearly 80% of the fathers responsible for such pregnancies marry the teen mothers of their babies.
· Only 20% of teen mothers who marries after their child is born remain in such marriages, teen marriages are twice as likely to fail compare to marriages in which the woman is at least 2 5 years of age.
· Children of teen mothers are most likely to be born prematurely which might lead to blindness, deafness, chronic respiratory problems, mental retardation, celebral palsy, dyslexia, hyper activeness or infant death.
See you @ The TOP.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Daddies day out with Debo. The facts and Truth about fathering in the millenium era...The fact is, not every father can be said to be responsible. But the truth is , every father can be responsible
THE GOLDEN RULE OF FATHERING A DAUGHTER – Show your daughter what a good husband is.
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you will want them to do you”
As I lay on the couch watching the Beckley premiership game between Manchester United and Manchester City, my fiancé walked in with her hands filled with bags from the grocery shopping she had gone with my niece who equally had a handful of shopping bags. Clearly their outing has been stressful.
The dirty dishes from the day breakfast (which she was not even part of) still piled high in the sink and the dining table littered with books from my writing activities and the question I deemed best to ask was not, ‘how was your outing’?, not ‘how are you or how do you feel’? Instead it was ‘what’s for lunch’? I have not finish asking that when it dawned on my consciousness that I would not for any reason want any man talk to any of my sisters, nieces not to mention my daughter(s) the way I just spoke and treated my fiancé. Even the look on my niece’s face confirmed her disappointment in my rather self-centred question.
As fathers, do you know you can help your daughter(s) develop their expectations for their would-be husbands by how you treat their mothers – your wives today? The fact is you cannot determine or choose who your daughter(s) will marry neither can you guarantee that everything will go well with their marriages. But the truth is if you are controlling, demanding and lazy, you will influence your daughter(s) negatively into believing that is a typical male behaviour. Children are better taught with pictures, never forget your daughter(s) are watching, their brains like a camcorder are running and recording. Your willingness to help out with chores around the house, your love and affection to your wife will give your daughter(s) the picture of what a unique and loving relationship should look like. Your example will guide them in their choice of a male partner to spend their time and life with. You must treat your wives the way you would want your future sons-in-law to treat your daughter(s).
See you @ The TOP
THE GOLDEN RULE OF FATHERING A DAUGHTER – Show your daughter what a good husband is.
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you will want them to do you”
As I lay on the couch watching the Beckley premiership game between Manchester United and Manchester City, my fiancé walked in with her hands filled with bags from the grocery shopping she had gone with my niece who equally had a handful of shopping bags. Clearly their outing has been stressful.
The dirty dishes from the day breakfast (which she was not even part of) still piled high in the sink and the dining table littered with books from my writing activities and the question I deemed best to ask was not, ‘how was your outing’?, not ‘how are you or how do you feel’? Instead it was ‘what’s for lunch’? I have not finish asking that when it dawned on my consciousness that I would not for any reason want any man talk to any of my sisters, nieces not to mention my daughter(s) the way I just spoke and treated my fiancé. Even the look on my niece’s face confirmed her disappointment in my rather self-centred question.
As fathers, do you know you can help your daughter(s) develop their expectations for their would-be husbands by how you treat their mothers – your wives today? The fact is you cannot determine or choose who your daughter(s) will marry neither can you guarantee that everything will go well with their marriages. But the truth is if you are controlling, demanding and lazy, you will influence your daughter(s) negatively into believing that is a typical male behaviour. Children are better taught with pictures, never forget your daughter(s) are watching, their brains like a camcorder are running and recording. Your willingness to help out with chores around the house, your love and affection to your wife will give your daughter(s) the picture of what a unique and loving relationship should look like. Your example will guide them in their choice of a male partner to spend their time and life with. You must treat your wives the way you would want your future sons-in-law to treat your daughter(s).
See you @ The TOP
Monday, January 11, 2010
HOW TO FATHER A 'LOVE-SANE' CHILDREN IN A 'SEX-CRAZED' WORLD
Daddies Day Out With Debo........The facts and truth about fathering in the millenium era. The fact is every father cannot be said to be responsible but the truth is every father can be responsible.
Calvary greetings to you all my esteem readers, followers, friends and co-fathers. Compliments of the season and welcome to the year 2010. 2010 is a year that has a lot in stock for us all and I want to use this medium to encourage everyone of us that the good Lord who had called us into this fathering ministry is all we need to achieve the desired result concerning our kids, so let us trust in Him like never before and He will never fail us. Before I go into our topic proper I want to use this opportunity to correct an error that has been re-occuring in the write-ups since last year, the slogan is ...."The fact is every father canot be said to be responsible ,but the truth is every father can be responsible" as against "The truth is every father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father ban be responsible". Please I take responsibility for this error and plead for your indulgence on that, necessary correction have been effected. Don't let me bore you by keeping your reading appetite waiting, enjoy reading and please endeavor to post your comment after reading.
Once again welcome to 2010, a year with a lot in stock for every father. Read on:
It amazes me at times the various newspapers headline and gist that freely fly around on teen pregnancies and pre-marital sex. Teen pregnancies and pre-marital sex have been attributed to so many factors like the influx of western culture, technology, poverty and single parenthood. But too shocking and revealing is the truth when you hear or read stories like – “Pastor’s daughter pregnant” or “Rich man’s daughter dies during abortion” and so many more. We sometimes wonder why these kids get involve if truly they have al they want in life, so we think but our thinking cab be wrong.
The fact is as fathers we might be doing our best to give our children the best, pay their tuition fees, buy them toys, computers, DSTV/DVD, buy them the latest designer’s clothes, take them out on vacations in and out of the country, go on picnic together and spend time with them, watching movies together as a family the truth is WHAT IS THE QUALITY OF OUR TIME & RELATIONSHIP with our child(ren)?.
Fathers please don’t be naive about your kids and sex. Recognize that children are having sex at early age, and that your kids are not immune to sexual temptation. In my recent findings 4 out of every 10 college students have experienced oral sex, 15% have participated in anal sex, and more heterosexual act is on the increase. Sex to the today’s youth is defined “I can do anything, anywhere with anybody”, a very destructive sexual ethic which if not quickly checked will and can be carried into adulthood. Have you tried to learn why these relatively innocent children become sexually promiscuous young adult? We easily blame in on peer pressure, the media, their schools for either teaching or not teaching about sex education, but like the Western African proverb says “The lizard cannot enter into the walls if there are no holes in the walls”. These intruders and strangers we point accusing fingers at usually find their way into our children’ heart through our ignorance, silence and carelessness as fathers on sexual matters. If they don’t receive that first taste of love and self worth from us, they will get it elsewhere at a cost. Why do we have to let our kids struggle for intimacy and acceptance at the expense of their precious body?
Curiosity kills the cat, if you as a father fail to answer your children’s curiosities and questions, someone else will, don’t forget our intruders, the media, peer group, sex educators. Be opened with your child(ren) about sex education; let them learn from your mistakes if any and your convictions now. Encourage an open-end relationship with you, encourage them to ask questions and take time to answer them in the appropriate way. Our kids no matter the standard of their schools or qualification of their teachers can learn better and faster than they can do from the parents, but too bad, according to a survey only 15% of mothers and 8% of fathers ever talked to their children about sexual intercourse.
Let us teach the children the many good reasons to wait. Sexually active teens risk great physical harm to their bodies, millions contract sexually transmitted diseases. 4 out of 9 active teenage girls get pregnant; many have already been opened to abortion. Most of these innocent children have suffered emotional harm and mostly wind up feeling used, cheap and empty. Premarital sex strains present boy/girl relationships and destroys future relationships (lack of trust, haunted comparisons).
What can I do, the world is sex-crazy? my child(ren) are already caught deep in the web? My children are innocent why border them?
Parenting is a battle and the father leads the battle. No great general goes to the battle field without a plan, your battle plan is your fatherly involvement. You are the greatest resource your kids have if they are to grow up to be“love-sane” adults in our today’s “sex-crazed” world.
See you @ the TOP.
The fact is as fathers we might be doing our best to give our children the best, pay their tuition fees, buy them toys, computers, DSTV/DVD, buy them the latest designer’s clothes, take them out on vacations in and out of the country, go on picnic together and spend time with them, watching movies together as a family the truth is WHAT IS THE QUALITY OF OUR TIME & RELATIONSHIP with our child(ren)?.
Fathers please don’t be naive about your kids and sex. Recognize that children are having sex at early age, and that your kids are not immune to sexual temptation. In my recent findings 4 out of every 10 college students have experienced oral sex, 15% have participated in anal sex, and more heterosexual act is on the increase. Sex to the today’s youth is defined “I can do anything, anywhere with anybody”, a very destructive sexual ethic which if not quickly checked will and can be carried into adulthood. Have you tried to learn why these relatively innocent children become sexually promiscuous young adult? We easily blame in on peer pressure, the media, their schools for either teaching or not teaching about sex education, but like the Western African proverb says “The lizard cannot enter into the walls if there are no holes in the walls”. These intruders and strangers we point accusing fingers at usually find their way into our children’ heart through our ignorance, silence and carelessness as fathers on sexual matters. If they don’t receive that first taste of love and self worth from us, they will get it elsewhere at a cost. Why do we have to let our kids struggle for intimacy and acceptance at the expense of their precious body?
Curiosity kills the cat, if you as a father fail to answer your children’s curiosities and questions, someone else will, don’t forget our intruders, the media, peer group, sex educators. Be opened with your child(ren) about sex education; let them learn from your mistakes if any and your convictions now. Encourage an open-end relationship with you, encourage them to ask questions and take time to answer them in the appropriate way. Our kids no matter the standard of their schools or qualification of their teachers can learn better and faster than they can do from the parents, but too bad, according to a survey only 15% of mothers and 8% of fathers ever talked to their children about sexual intercourse.
Let us teach the children the many good reasons to wait. Sexually active teens risk great physical harm to their bodies, millions contract sexually transmitted diseases. 4 out of 9 active teenage girls get pregnant; many have already been opened to abortion. Most of these innocent children have suffered emotional harm and mostly wind up feeling used, cheap and empty. Premarital sex strains present boy/girl relationships and destroys future relationships (lack of trust, haunted comparisons).
What can I do, the world is sex-crazy? my child(ren) are already caught deep in the web? My children are innocent why border them?
Parenting is a battle and the father leads the battle. No great general goes to the battle field without a plan, your battle plan is your fatherly involvement. You are the greatest resource your kids have if they are to grow up to be“love-sane” adults in our today’s “sex-crazed” world.
See you @ the TOP.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
SEVEN STEP TO FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY
Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact fathering in the millenium era.
The truth is, Every father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible
In conclusion of our last discussion ‘Fathering the Kingdom Way’, here are seven step that will help in achieving the desired results.
1. Create/Build more than just a house, create a home: What is the difference between a house and a home? A house is a structured building, it can be of any shape, size, it can be expensive, cheap but without love. A house is characterized by constant fighting, arguments, chaos, unforgiveness and good record keeping of each other’s wrong doings. While a home is also a structured building irrespective of its shape, size or cost the foundation is built on LOVE. In a home you see couples complement each other’s effort, while couple compete in a house to see who is a better person or parent. As a father take time to build a home, the sincere love between you and your wife is enough assurance to the child(ren) that they are valued. With love the most difficult wife or child can be tamed to becoming God’s best.
2. Learn to be in charge: Survey have shown that child(ren) who are raised by loving but authoritative parents, who are supportive and respect their child(ren) opinions, views and decisions yet they maintain a firm limit excel academically, have better social skills, have good self confidence and always outperform child(ren) whose parents are either too soft or excessively harsh. It a natural thing, right from babyhood to adult children will always challenge our right to exercise authority over them but as a wise father, you must learn to take control with love. Praise the child(ren) when it is deserved and rebuke where and when due. When fathers fail to take authority and the child(ren) becomes rebellious we have succeeded in helping the child(ren) reduce their number of years on earth (Ephesians 6 vs. 1-4).
3. Define family rules and enforce them promptly: Why do we take out so much time to write or even contact the best consultant to help us write our organizational vision and mission statement and we never bother any6 for the home? Just as staff members are better guided with vision and mission statement, kids are better guided with clear rules and firm consequences. When there is no structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish and unhappy and they will make any father miserable. Children are small people with their own minds and desires and they have inborn tendency to sin, so this end why not make a written list of your household laws, or riles, that the child(re) must obey. Make the list short but precise, less difficult to enforce and easy to remember. Next to the rules write the consequences for breaking them. Make sure the punishments are reasonable and be willing to enforce them. Make a regular review of the rules so all involved knows what is expected of them. Whenever the rules are broken, enforce the consequences quickly but in a calm, firm and consistent way. Do not procrastinate, do not bargain and do not administer punishment when angry.
4. Establish and maintain family routines: As a father you will not be of good help and to the child(ren) if you don’t teach them how to structure their time and keeping up with schedules. Most fathers are guilty of this as we blame it on our hectic work life, we spend long hours working with little or no tome to spend with our child(ren) on a regular basis. Establish and maintain a regular bedtime for the child(ren), make it an habit to eat at least one or two meals a day together as a family, maintain a family alter time which must be binding on everyone. Over the meal you can discuss the day’s activities, talk about problems and laugh together. No pursuit of material possessions must be allowed to crowd out family routine.
5. Acknowledge your child(ren)’s feeling: Every child wants more than just a father, they want a friend. Someone who does not just orders them around, but cares enough to listen to them, concern about their feelings, appreciates them and allows them liberty to express their thought. Fathers are the most important person in a child’s life but easily this position is lost to strangers in the guises of friends. These children have issues bothering them, they are psychological, emotional, spiritual feeling brooding inside them they constantly need someone to talk to and be understood, nut too bad most of us fathers are either too busy to be available or too much in control to allow the child(ren) speak. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. And most children have fallen prey simply because a friend or anybody just showed signs of caring which their fathers never gave and they turn totally to such male figure’s counsel and lead. Take out time to listen to the child(ren) talk, respect their feelings and times seek their counsel and opinion on issues bothering you as parents it gives them confident, love and a sense of belonging.
6. Teach by example: Action they say speaks louder than words, while words only impact information, actions teaches. You can imagine a home where the father tell the child(ren) to be respectful and always speak the truth at all times, yet these same fathers yells at their wives at the slightest provocation and openly tell lies to avoid any inconvenient obligations. What lesson do you think have been taught? We all as fathers are striving to be the best but we must also remember only God is perfect. So whenever and wherever we find ourselves fall short of expectations rather than acting perfect or being bossy we must learn to use such times to teach good lessons. Learn to accept responsibilities, learn to be apologetic, learn to uphold your integrity for there is a little eye seating quietly there all it sees is you and all the little mind envision to become is you. Fathers are role models, the question is - Are you worth emulating?
7. Seek God advice: Many people will say “if you are having problems with your child(ren) seek the experts’ advice”. Have you thought about thi9s, do you know how many child psychologists in the world today having problems with their children? Do you know that the greatest preacher Kenneth Hagins grandson was hooked on drugs for years? Then what are we talking about, for you to succeed as a father you must seek God’s counsel. He gave the child(ren) in the first place, they are not yours, you are only the one to take care of them. When you are given a n assignment or a task to perform and you are having problems getting it done what do you do? You get back to whoever gave you the task for further explanation, directive and guide on how to go about it. So why do fathers leave aside God to seek the so-called expert advice on the issues of their child(ren). Remember Proverbs 3 vs. 5.
If we as fathers can patiently, practically & prayerfully adopt and apply these seven principles, we sure will succeed in our task of Fathering the Kingdom Way. See you @ the TOP.
Friday, December 4, 2009
FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY
Daddies Day Out with Debo....The truth and fact about fathering in the millenium era.
What does a kingdom mean? Kingdom simply implies a domain where one reign as a king/an authority. So God’s kingdom is a place where God is the king and authority of.
Fathering the kingdom way is raising up the child(ren) WHERE, WHEN and HOW God has ordered. In fathering the kingdom way the first question a father must honestly answer is, whose child(ren) is it or are they in the first instance? Yours or God’s? Psalm 127 vs. 3 says: “Children are a GIFT from God” (TLB). A child is a gift, a gift of opportunity entrusted to us like a cherished assignment. Every father should count themselves honoured to have God’s most treasured creation the young, innocent and precious lives committed to their care. As a father you should be proud you are deemed responsible enough to nurture to adult God’s best.
The precious gifts are given with a price tag and how high is this price? The price of fathering the kingdom way is SACRIFICE. Sacrifices in our careers, finances and time.
Career Sacrifice: No matter our career choices as fathers we MUST make choices with the welfare of our child(ren) in mind. A Japanese man Takeshi Tamura who works as a senior executive with the Japanese National Railways gave up his job to be there for his son who was heading towards real trouble due to his involvement with unsavoury associations. When asked how he feels about his decision, he said “it is perhaps the best decision I ever made. Spending more time with my son and doing things together, including studying the Bible with him, had a remarkable effect. We became friends and he cut off his bad associations and improper behaviour”. I always tell any parent who cares to listen that the child(ren) needs more than a dad or mum, they need a friend. Are you a friend to your child(ren)?
Financial Sacrifice: It is not money but the love for money that is the root of all evil. Everybody’s excuse for getting up very early, coming home very late or not coming at all as always been to make more money, so life can be comfortable. NO! A friend of mine who happens to be a single father out of various job opportunities opened to him chose the one with the most flexible hour, he said “Though the salary isn’t fantastic being able to take the time off to be with my daughter makes it worth it”. – Remember, no single penny spent, no expense incurred on a child is a waste, it’s an investment into your future. It a natural law of sowing and reaping.
Time Sacrifice: T o a child love is spelt T.I.M.E. what you spend most of your time on decide the of person you are and it is what you are most passionate about. To some it is money, to some it is their career; to some it is fun but to Bob a Christian psychiatrist I read about, it is spending more time interacting with his children. He said, “I’m spending much more time with my four children than I would have if I had not seen in my psychiatric practise, so many bad results of the father absence from raising up his child(ren). Pay now, play later or play now, pay later. Either way you will pay – John Maxwell’s father. “Spend time building the child(ren) now or spend time correcting them later. Either way you will spend time” – Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa.
Proverbs 22 vs. 6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 29 vs. 17 says: Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
The child(ren) are gifts, they are not yours. You are only a caretaker and one day the rightful owner will appear, and you shall give account. As fathers how well you brought up your child(ren) will be rewarded here on earth. In Psalm 127 vs. 3-5 says:
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
As fathers when you are blessed with issues it does not matter the number, you are blessed for the child(ren) is a physical part of God in your home. And with your child(ren) you have:
· Advantage over your adversaries poverty, illiteracy e.t.c because your children are weapons with which you can break all barriers.
· The child(ren) increases your boldness and confidence as a father, like an army general with a well groomed troop in respective of number is full of boldness.
Raising a child(ren) is one of the most taxing yet fulfilling, frustrating yet rewarding task any man can attempt. As fathers we only have this one life and one opportunity at raising our child(ren) and to succeed at this, what we need is the counsel of the master, the extra-ordinary strategist – GOD. Proverbs 3 vs. 5 says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. You can be a chartered accountant, a sound economist, a trained child psychologist, all kudos to you but when it comes to fathering the kingdom way do not lean on your own understanding, rather trust in the Lord by seeking His counsel on how to raise the child(ren) the way they should go so when they grow they will not depart from it. The question now is, is your home God’s kingdom? are you raising up the child(ren) when, where and how God want it?
Watch out for the concluding part of FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY. Thank you and God bless, see you @ the Top.
Monday, April 6, 2009
WHO IS A FATHER? PART 2.
Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact about fathering in the millenium era
Malachi 4 vs 6 - He will turn the heart of fathers to their children and the heart of the children to their fathers; else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
In my search for the answer to the big question of how do we re-visit fathering as a process, I sought the counsel of a father as regards men of old. The old man told me that the burden of improving the well being of our children and our nation lies with every father’s ability to honestly and truthfully answer the following questions.
Do I spend quality time and energy on my child/ren like I do on my job?
Do I give my child/ren the needed love and attention they deserve?
Do I leave the up bringing/training of our child/ren to my wife alone?
Do I invest to reproduce myself in my children?
Do I really know my child/ren well enough to write or speak about him/her?
Once these questions arte honestly answered and necessary, sincere actions are taken to make the needed adjustment, the future of our children and that of the nation is guaranteed.
Here are my definitions of a FATHER.
A father is one who loves his child/ren unconditionally. Unconditional love is loving someone for who he/she is irrespective of attitude, performance or behavioral pattern. It is a special kind of love. One thing I keep telling every father is the fact that the child/ren need(s) more than a father, they need a friend. Fathers love with conditions of I am your father, I am in charge, and friends love unconditionally. Your friendship with your child/ren should be based on a 50-50 bases, you need them as much as they need you. Are you just a father, or both a father and a friend?
A father is one who instills a fatherly legacy. The commonest mistake most fathers make is, they use their intensions of wanting to leave a legacy in term of inheritance for their child/ren as their excuses for being away from the home at all time. A fatherly legacy is not all about money, cars or houses, it has to do with values, principles and virtue that a father instills in his child/ren that will guide the child/ren through life’s challenges and difficulties. Fathers must instill moral and a spiritual value in a way that the value will be passed on and on to generations. Fathers should always look at the value of parenting well and not the cost of bringing up their child/ren.
A father is one who builds effective communication line. As fathers we must learn to communicate with our child/ren and also long for adequate feedback. Our children want to talk; we must learn to listen effectively. We must learn to listen to our child/ren’s feelings; we must always ask questions and be interested in their world. Always ask how they are doing, let them share your feelings too, tell them about your day at work, your achievement and failure, doing this makes them feel loved and important as a part of you.
A father is one who is married to a partner not a competitor. Most fathers are always angry that their children are closer and relate better to their mothers than them. This is often true because most mothers display the 3 attributes mentioned above. Rather than get angry, envious or jealous, learn to work together with your wife to both give the chld/ren the best they need and deserve. The Bible says “can two work together except they agree?’. Partners agree to achieve a common goal; competitors compete to achieve a selfish goal. Ultimately, the best gift any father can give to the child/ren is to love their mother, so fathers do whatever you can do to keep a stable home, no amount of money can heal or fill the vacuum in a broken home.
Make a decision today, be more than just a male figure around your child/ren, make a life long commitment to them. Remember what you cannot stop can eventually stop you. The child you fail to build up may eventually bring down the empire you built.
“The truth is very father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible” – Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa
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