Nigeria is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. Years ago a Nigerian child is expected to grow up with his/her father. Today the reverse is the case. Fatherlessness is now strongly contending with fatherhood to determine the features of the Nigerian child. Today as I write to you, about 40% of Nigerian children will go to bed in home in which their fathers do not live with them.
Before the age of 18 years, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend their childhood living apart from their fathers. So many children now lives voluntarily abadoned by their fathers and so many grow up without knowing what it means to have a father. Fatherless is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. If the trend continues, fatherlessness will change the shape of our society.
Kids needs fathers just as they need mothers. They need their fathers as role models as they need their mothers for strength. A father's love is different from a mother's love, and the child needs both in the same way that our bodies needs both food and water for a balance growth.

SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad

Daddies Day Out With Debo....The fact and truth about fathering in the millennium era - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is,very father can be responsible


Readers are leaders so do people say and believe. I have come to term and agree with this saying because today reading has really put me in the spotlight and I now realized there is always something new to learn each moment I read and I still have more rooms in me for improvements. Was I a keen reader when growing up? No! But I started reading the day my late dad pulled a big one on me that birthed the reader in me. Before we move further let me tell you a little about my late dad. My dad, Mr. Folorunso Adekunle Baiye (1937 – 2002) was a very complex man, too complex to be described as an enigma but yet, very loving, fatherly, supportive and friendly. I call him a social animal for his love for fun and socializing and he was highly respected for his super intelligence, humor and kindness (I am always happy and a bit jealous when people say they are yet to see a man as nice, straight forward and neat as my late dad, because I really want to be better than him). Through out his life time he only struck me thrice, he has won our hearts (my 3 older sisters and I) in such a way that you don’t want to get me angry or disappointed so we try at all times to be good.

Don’t let me paint you a picture of a flawless man for he has his weakness and negative sides too as a man. You know I said I call him a social animal right! My dad drinks, and when I say he drinks I mean serious drinking but even at that, our proper upbringing, good education and happiness were top in his heart and he was ready to do all to see that we got the best. So back to the gist about reading. My dad came home late one night after a drinking spree with his friends, he called my immediate sister and I (the other senior ones were away in their various schools of higher learning). He called for our textbooks and to our surprise, he was asking questions from the texts, he explained some topics to us, he would correct and explain till around 2:00a.m when finally released us to go to bed. I know my dad to be a very brilliant man, there is this game he plays with us, he would ask us to bring different version of the dictionary and you call out any word from A-Z and he would spell the word and tell you the meaning, at times he might not get it right, not because he misses it totally but maybe he juxtapose the letters or meaning. So over time his brilliancy was no longer new or news to us, he was a brilliant dad. I had always believed before this time that his skills with word and good command of language was because of his job, he was a newscaster (English and yoruba) with FRCN. This latest string my dad pulled was just amazing; he treated nearly all the subject except mathematics. Ssshhh, listen carefully, promise me you will not tell my dad this, it is his top secret, my dad does not like mathematics so don’t just go there at all. Did we enjoy what our dad did to us this faithful night he pulled the string? Well the truth is Yes, because his action made us realized he loved and care for our success and No, because it was late at night and moreover we were not use to reading then.

Few days later my sister discovered something she called my attention to. In one of her textbooks, we saw our dad’s writing stating the time he started reading the book and the time he stopped. It was now cleared to us, our dad has been picking our textbooks reading them through becoming prepared and well informed on every of the subject topics. So when we see write on any of our books we quickly picked them and read because you never can tell when he would pull another surprise, remember I said he was a complex man. Was there a side effect to his action? Of course yes. His action made become so disturbed that if my dad who is through with school can be so discipline to pick our books and read them both day and night what excuse then do I have not to read. Today I am a skilled writer, an author, columnist and a prolific speaker. I have series of write ups yet to be completed, I at time need a professional touch of someone better than me and the man that comes to mind is no other than my late dad, at moments like these I cry, smile, miss him a lot and not wanting to disappoint him I pick up my pen and give it my best because that was what he gave me, his best.

Why did I title this write up SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad? Though my late dad gave his best by carefully selecting our schools for good education, he gave us something far better by not just leaving us in the hands of our teacher alone, he was a teacher at home too. He was a brilliant dad yet intelligent enough to know his involvement and time spent with us will make a great difference in us. He wasn’t just the shouting, scolding and correcting type, he believed in teaching us with pictures, w always se this man reading and writing. There is nothing that has a beginning and no end except for God and His blessings. On April 2^nd 2002, my super intelligent dad, Folorunso Adekunle Baiye bade the world goodbye. Though my late dad left no houses, cars or bank accounts for us to share but he left something better – he gave us quality education, his quality me, his fatherliness and above all his sincere friendship. Houses can be sold or gutted by fire, cars can be involved in accident and accounts can be frozen or squandered but the things I picked from my dad will outlive me – I packed all his books and they are well kept with the ones I have acquire with time waiting anxiously to hand them over to my own children continuing the legacy my father gave which is the chain of not just being a brilliant dad but an intelligent dad. Remember, there is always something better than the best things you buy with money for the kids; it is the quality time you invest in their growing up process.

These are my questions to you today:

• How much do you spend on books?
• What makes the bulk of the papers in your homes? Sport magazines?
• Is there a dictionary in your home?
• What is our reading habit? Do you read at all?
• Are you involved in your kids’ education?

Think about it.

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HOW TO RAISE GOOD KIDS AS FATHERS

The children need our love and attention, so give it to them.

Little children cannot understand the difference between right and wrong actions until they are about two years and above, but we as fathers can help by building a bond with them right from the start. This relationship will make teaching the children good concepts easier. If we can grow a bond with or children by loving them and giving attention they will be more receptive to discipline And teaching of early basic morals like “don’t hit people”, “help pick up the toys”, “share it with others”. The gain of such love, attention and bond is that they grow with a developed sense of conscience, responsibility and respect. They are more reluctant to break our rules when placed alone in tempting situation.

Demand respect from the start by giving it from the start: When children get away with being disrespectful, even as a toddler, they will easily dismiss our moral authority. As fathers we must make the demand for respect strong and clear with love. We must not force it; it must be earned with love. This means we must set rules and don’t cave in when the children balk. You can teach the children respect even before they begin to speak because they see and hear before speaking. So, when your one year plus old baby smacks you, respond by saying NO and show it by moving about their face a finger to show disapproval of their action. For a two year old and above respond by smacking the back of their hand to end you disapproval of such habit. After some minutes bring them close and explain why you did that, say sorry to them and make them say sorry to you too and embrace them in warm hug with re-assuring words like “that’s my angel”, “daddy loves you”, “I’m proud of you champ”.

Emphasize Empathy: In developing our kids’ conscience and building them, we must teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and we must do so by putting ourselves in the kids’ shoes. We must feel what they feel and teach them o always do same to people. Life is give and take, give a child love and the child becomes loving, give attention and the child becomes attentive.

Let your discipline be purpose driven. There is a purpose for everything, our purpose to discipline as fathers goes beyond shouting, flogging or punishing. The purpose is to correct and instill discipline a godly way to go in becoming responsible adults. In helping our children build their conscience e must set rules backed with consequence and in doing this so early we can adopt the 4-R strategy of:

1.) Respond 2.) Review 3.) Reflect and 4.) Right the wrong

· Respond: When our kids do something wrong as a father instead of reacting and beating calmly respond and encourage the kid to think about the action. You might ask, “Why did you do that?”.

· Review: Help the child to know why the action is wrong, say “it does not portray good manner when you don’t greet people”.

· Reflect: Help the kid reflect on the effect on their actions “how would you feel if daddy should do that to you?” “Can you see how you have broken the plate ad make mummy feel unhappy with you?”.

· Right the wrong: There wrong actions must be corrected immediately if not, no lesson is learn and they cannot be blame for repeating such later on. Tell them “so what do you think you should do now?” “Go over to Susan and tell her you are sorry for your actions”, “Will you go over to our mum now, give her a hug and tell her you’re sorry. It won’t happen again”.

Devote time to your children: Often time fathers hardly make themselves available in the raising up of our children. They are quick to hide under the notion that they are busy fending for the family. But I have come to realize that at times the quality little time spent with the children pays more than the best education money can buy. Spend more time with the children. It affords the opportunity of knowing them better. Make sue you seat together at the diner either for breakfast or dinner where you can have time to point out one or two good behavior. Read them bedtime stories or talk them to sleep teaching or talking about morals and good behavior. You can wash the car together, go to the grocery stores together or lawn the grass, these will teach being responsible and dutiful.

Practice what you preach: Kids are best trained in action than with words. If you want your children to be decent and morally sound you must become their number one role model. As a father you don’t lie to your children. You don’t talk haughtily about family members, friends, colleague or neighbors in the presence of the children. If you do, how do you expect the children to behave differently. You are not just a father you re a leader you knows the way, walks the way and must show the way to the children.

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