Dad, let's play.

Daddies, do you know your children love you? Yes, they do. Children love their daddies. At least I know my daughters love to hear my voice and see me around the house playing with them as long as I can available for them. But, the pressure to earn a living and live up to our family's expectation of providing for them the best in life is taking a great toll out of our role as daddies. Most children don't enjoy their daddies because of the pressure to provide a safety nest for the family. But daddies, we need to know that aside the role of providing for the children basic needs such as accommodation, feeding, clothings, and education, the children also want unconditional love, quality time and total attention. Our children want to play. Especially physical play which they expect more from the daddies than from the mummies. Someone once said the best toy any child can have is a daddy that is readily available to get on the floor and be played with by the child. Imagine you and your 7 years old daughter and your 4 years old son getting on the floor in the living room rolling over each other in a pillow fight, wresting bout, playing hide and seek. Or you being their horse taking them round all the rooms on all your four. Dear fellow daddies, our children can forget so many things, but I bet you, they can never forget moments like these (I still have fresh in my memory such plays with my dad despite his tough nature). The more the children laugh, the closer they become with us. Joy and closeness are built through playtime. The children needs their daddies presence more than the latest Xbox or play station or Nintendo games. If you offer your children your attention and time, they will come closer to you and most of their pleas for this and that will give way to "Dad, let's play" Thank you.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX

Did you know daddies determine the child’s sex at conception? Therefore, we daddies have a huge responsibility and role to play in shaping our children’s sexual expression later on in life. The issue of sex MUST and SHOULD be discussed honestly, openly and early with our children. There are several children, whose father completely ignored this area of teaching, and today they are struggling because of it, we can’t afford to let our children learn about sex on their own. Discussing the issue of sex with the children may sound or appear awkward, but we’ve got to be open with both our sons and daughters in order to affirm them toward healthy sexuality. Now let’s be specific: 1. Be equipped with the relevant facts. This should include everything from the basic; what is and is not appropriate dressing; who should and should not touch them in certain ways; when, where and how. Talk about issues of rape, harassment, and abuse. Be factual and truthful. 2. Start the issue of sexuality early and do it often. Make your conversation age appropriate. Let the sex education start with your toddlers when teaching them parts of the body. Don’t delay till they get to the puberty stage as they are getting older, look for teachable moments and methods. 3. Set and always revisit your family standards about T.V, movies, phones and internet use. Discuss with your children why it is wise to choose carefully what they watch or listen to. 4. Though this might be tough, but let them know you’ve gone through your own struggles while growing up too. Nothing gives you more sense of confidence and respect as a dad than your willingness and openness to admit to your children that you did your struggle too. Nobody is perfect. If you’ve ever made a mistake, tell them and let them know what you’ve learnt because of it. 5. Reinforce the beauty and benefits of self-control in sexual matters. Tell them the benefits of waiting until marriage to be sexuality involved and also the pitfalls they’ll face if they don’t wait. Use illustartions that point out the consequences of lack of control.

A discipline person + a discipline people = A discipline nation

What is discipline and why discipline? A lot of people attribute the numerous problems in our nation to the government. People blame the government for their lack of jobs, money and so many more. A carpenter with nine (9) children and the wife heavy with the tenth issue, who can hardly boast of making N15, 000 a month, blame his situation on the government. A man who incessantly drinks with all his earning at the expense of his responsibility to the home blames the government for his situation. A student who played away his/her time while others were studying, blames the government for dropping-out of school or ending up a failure. Everybody seems to have the government to blame for one or more things, nobody wants to honestly accept fault and take responsibility for their actions. I keep telling this to anyone who cares to listen “Man is the architect of his own doom”. Our actions as a result of our lack of discipline are responsible for who and what we are as at today and not the government. Lack of discipline as a person, lack of discipline as a people, lack of discipline as a nation. Indiscipline has been socially, morally, spiritually and psychologically embraced that the wrong things are now generally accepted as a standard for successful living. No longer do we frown at the wrong things rather everybody flaunt their wrong doings, what we have now is ‘Indiscipline Beautified’. Corruption is now at the highest point, lawlessness is now our second nature yet we blame the government. Gone are the days of military juntas where the army can force themselves to the seat of power through the barrel of a gun. Democracy is now the order of the day. What is Democracy? Democracy has been defined as government of the people, for the people, by the people. Good, from the definition given we are the government, we have the ultimate power to decide who leads us. But it is rather sad that our best candidates for this sensitive post always come from our undisciplined lot through our undisciplined action of selling out our mandates and conscience by voting for the wrong people simply because we have been cheaply paid. So I redefined Democracy as Government of the undisciplined, for the undisciplined, by the undisciplined. Our problem as a nation is a people-oriented problems and not the government stem from our undisciplined nature. What is discipline? The Longman dictionary of contemporary English defines discipline as a training of the mind and body to produce obedience and self control. From this definition it is clear that discipline is a thing of the mind. Like I mentioned earlier our problem is a people-oriented problem. The same democracy we practice in Africa is what is practiced in Europe, Asia and the rest of the world, yet our results and achievements cannot be compared. Why? Because our mind set differs, while leaders around the world are people conscious, our leaders in Africa are self and money conscious. It is only in Africa we elect people of questionable character to sensitive post because of the immediate gain without putting into consideration our future. To succeed as a person, a people and a nation is very simple; it starts with renewing our mind. What the mind cannot imagine the eye cannot see for blind minds are worse than blind eyes. Why do people after doing everything to get outside the shores of Africa believing they will be better off become worse off or get into problem there? It is simply because their minds are not disciplined enough to survive here or to sustain there. So once again I choose to redefine discipline. Discipline is doing the right things all the time. When it comes to discipline there is nothing like a perfect timing, the right time is all the time. Discipline is doing what you really don’t want to do so that you can do what you really what to do; it is paying the price in the little things so that you can buy the bigger things. If we can honestly and sincerely pay the price in those things we consider little or irrelevant starting from our individual selves, the way we talk, the way we dress, walk, eat, work, sleep, at home, at work, in school, in church, everywhere at all time Africa will become a force to reckon with. How to become disciplined Get wisdom: What is wisdom and why wisdom (proverbs 4 vs. 7), wisdom is the word of God; it is an accurate insight into life and it separates you from the crowd. Wisdom is ability to read and write and to act right; not every educated African act right. It is a driving force, a guiding force that makes you say what you say, do what you do having thought what you thought. Be discipline enough to get wisdom Render service: Always be ready to give off of yourself; this is different from working for money. Servers are givers, learn to serve and do not expect to get paid back for the services rendered. Africans don’t like to serve. Be discipline to serve it will take you places you can hardly imagine. Acquire knowledge: This is getting true education, knowing little or more of everything. Don’t study for examination alone rather study for life. Most Africans don’t have true education. Be discipline to commit yourself to true education for it will stand you out from he multitude. Improve on character: Babies are born men are made. We all came into this world to pick up our various characters, choose to be whom and what you want to be. Repetition of action forms our habits, repetition of habits forms our characters, and we must work on our character to become better. Be discipline in the way you act and react in situation for the world is watching you. Have a vision: There is a purpose why we were created. A seed will not become a tree unless it is planted and nurtured through, otherwise it will remain a promise of a tree. Have a clear-cut vision of what you want, never leave the world the way you met it; make it better. “Don’t let us pack-up where our fathers packed-up”, let us dare to dream....we hardly dream in Africa. Be discipline with your vision, let it drive you everywhere and every time for it through it your glory will be manifested. Act now: Don’t procrastinate, if you go to sleep now the wrong people will act. It is not wise to delay. Nothing can stop us if we are determined, we alone can stop ourselves. Let us all work on becoming not on having, from what we are, we will have. Be discipline to always act rather than react, your action separate you from mediocrity. See you @ the TOP. Thanks. Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa © March 2013

Nigeria is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. Years ago a Nigerian child is expected to grow up with his/her father. Today the reverse is the case. Fatherlessness is now strongly contending with fatherhood to determine the features of the Nigerian child. Today as I write to you, about 40% of Nigerian children will go to bed in home in which their fathers do not live with them.
Before the age of 18 years, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend their childhood living apart from their fathers. So many children now lives voluntarily abadoned by their fathers and so many grow up without knowing what it means to have a father. Fatherless is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. If the trend continues, fatherlessness will change the shape of our society.
Kids needs fathers just as they need mothers. They need their fathers as role models as they need their mothers for strength. A father's love is different from a mother's love, and the child needs both in the same way that our bodies needs both food and water for a balance growth.

SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad

Daddies Day Out With Debo....The fact and truth about fathering in the millennium era - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is,very father can be responsible


Readers are leaders so do people say and believe. I have come to term and agree with this saying because today reading has really put me in the spotlight and I now realized there is always something new to learn each moment I read and I still have more rooms in me for improvements. Was I a keen reader when growing up? No! But I started reading the day my late dad pulled a big one on me that birthed the reader in me. Before we move further let me tell you a little about my late dad. My dad, Mr. Folorunso Adekunle Baiye (1937 – 2002) was a very complex man, too complex to be described as an enigma but yet, very loving, fatherly, supportive and friendly. I call him a social animal for his love for fun and socializing and he was highly respected for his super intelligence, humor and kindness (I am always happy and a bit jealous when people say they are yet to see a man as nice, straight forward and neat as my late dad, because I really want to be better than him). Through out his life time he only struck me thrice, he has won our hearts (my 3 older sisters and I) in such a way that you don’t want to get me angry or disappointed so we try at all times to be good.

Don’t let me paint you a picture of a flawless man for he has his weakness and negative sides too as a man. You know I said I call him a social animal right! My dad drinks, and when I say he drinks I mean serious drinking but even at that, our proper upbringing, good education and happiness were top in his heart and he was ready to do all to see that we got the best. So back to the gist about reading. My dad came home late one night after a drinking spree with his friends, he called my immediate sister and I (the other senior ones were away in their various schools of higher learning). He called for our textbooks and to our surprise, he was asking questions from the texts, he explained some topics to us, he would correct and explain till around 2:00a.m when finally released us to go to bed. I know my dad to be a very brilliant man, there is this game he plays with us, he would ask us to bring different version of the dictionary and you call out any word from A-Z and he would spell the word and tell you the meaning, at times he might not get it right, not because he misses it totally but maybe he juxtapose the letters or meaning. So over time his brilliancy was no longer new or news to us, he was a brilliant dad. I had always believed before this time that his skills with word and good command of language was because of his job, he was a newscaster (English and yoruba) with FRCN. This latest string my dad pulled was just amazing; he treated nearly all the subject except mathematics. Ssshhh, listen carefully, promise me you will not tell my dad this, it is his top secret, my dad does not like mathematics so don’t just go there at all. Did we enjoy what our dad did to us this faithful night he pulled the string? Well the truth is Yes, because his action made us realized he loved and care for our success and No, because it was late at night and moreover we were not use to reading then.

Few days later my sister discovered something she called my attention to. In one of her textbooks, we saw our dad’s writing stating the time he started reading the book and the time he stopped. It was now cleared to us, our dad has been picking our textbooks reading them through becoming prepared and well informed on every of the subject topics. So when we see write on any of our books we quickly picked them and read because you never can tell when he would pull another surprise, remember I said he was a complex man. Was there a side effect to his action? Of course yes. His action made become so disturbed that if my dad who is through with school can be so discipline to pick our books and read them both day and night what excuse then do I have not to read. Today I am a skilled writer, an author, columnist and a prolific speaker. I have series of write ups yet to be completed, I at time need a professional touch of someone better than me and the man that comes to mind is no other than my late dad, at moments like these I cry, smile, miss him a lot and not wanting to disappoint him I pick up my pen and give it my best because that was what he gave me, his best.

Why did I title this write up SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE BEST: Intelligent dad vs. brilliant dad? Though my late dad gave his best by carefully selecting our schools for good education, he gave us something far better by not just leaving us in the hands of our teacher alone, he was a teacher at home too. He was a brilliant dad yet intelligent enough to know his involvement and time spent with us will make a great difference in us. He wasn’t just the shouting, scolding and correcting type, he believed in teaching us with pictures, w always se this man reading and writing. There is nothing that has a beginning and no end except for God and His blessings. On April 2^nd 2002, my super intelligent dad, Folorunso Adekunle Baiye bade the world goodbye. Though my late dad left no houses, cars or bank accounts for us to share but he left something better – he gave us quality education, his quality me, his fatherliness and above all his sincere friendship. Houses can be sold or gutted by fire, cars can be involved in accident and accounts can be frozen or squandered but the things I picked from my dad will outlive me – I packed all his books and they are well kept with the ones I have acquire with time waiting anxiously to hand them over to my own children continuing the legacy my father gave which is the chain of not just being a brilliant dad but an intelligent dad. Remember, there is always something better than the best things you buy with money for the kids; it is the quality time you invest in their growing up process.

These are my questions to you today:

• How much do you spend on books?
• What makes the bulk of the papers in your homes? Sport magazines?
• Is there a dictionary in your home?
• What is our reading habit? Do you read at all?
• Are you involved in your kids’ education?

Think about it.

See you @ The TOP

HOW TO RAISE GOOD KIDS AS FATHERS

The children need our love and attention, so give it to them.

Little children cannot understand the difference between right and wrong actions until they are about two years and above, but we as fathers can help by building a bond with them right from the start. This relationship will make teaching the children good concepts easier. If we can grow a bond with or children by loving them and giving attention they will be more receptive to discipline And teaching of early basic morals like “don’t hit people”, “help pick up the toys”, “share it with others”. The gain of such love, attention and bond is that they grow with a developed sense of conscience, responsibility and respect. They are more reluctant to break our rules when placed alone in tempting situation.

Demand respect from the start by giving it from the start: When children get away with being disrespectful, even as a toddler, they will easily dismiss our moral authority. As fathers we must make the demand for respect strong and clear with love. We must not force it; it must be earned with love. This means we must set rules and don’t cave in when the children balk. You can teach the children respect even before they begin to speak because they see and hear before speaking. So, when your one year plus old baby smacks you, respond by saying NO and show it by moving about their face a finger to show disapproval of their action. For a two year old and above respond by smacking the back of their hand to end you disapproval of such habit. After some minutes bring them close and explain why you did that, say sorry to them and make them say sorry to you too and embrace them in warm hug with re-assuring words like “that’s my angel”, “daddy loves you”, “I’m proud of you champ”.

Emphasize Empathy: In developing our kids’ conscience and building them, we must teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes and we must do so by putting ourselves in the kids’ shoes. We must feel what they feel and teach them o always do same to people. Life is give and take, give a child love and the child becomes loving, give attention and the child becomes attentive.

Let your discipline be purpose driven. There is a purpose for everything, our purpose to discipline as fathers goes beyond shouting, flogging or punishing. The purpose is to correct and instill discipline a godly way to go in becoming responsible adults. In helping our children build their conscience e must set rules backed with consequence and in doing this so early we can adopt the 4-R strategy of:

1.) Respond 2.) Review 3.) Reflect and 4.) Right the wrong

· Respond: When our kids do something wrong as a father instead of reacting and beating calmly respond and encourage the kid to think about the action. You might ask, “Why did you do that?”.

· Review: Help the child to know why the action is wrong, say “it does not portray good manner when you don’t greet people”.

· Reflect: Help the kid reflect on the effect on their actions “how would you feel if daddy should do that to you?” “Can you see how you have broken the plate ad make mummy feel unhappy with you?”.

· Right the wrong: There wrong actions must be corrected immediately if not, no lesson is learn and they cannot be blame for repeating such later on. Tell them “so what do you think you should do now?” “Go over to Susan and tell her you are sorry for your actions”, “Will you go over to our mum now, give her a hug and tell her you’re sorry. It won’t happen again”.

Devote time to your children: Often time fathers hardly make themselves available in the raising up of our children. They are quick to hide under the notion that they are busy fending for the family. But I have come to realize that at times the quality little time spent with the children pays more than the best education money can buy. Spend more time with the children. It affords the opportunity of knowing them better. Make sue you seat together at the diner either for breakfast or dinner where you can have time to point out one or two good behavior. Read them bedtime stories or talk them to sleep teaching or talking about morals and good behavior. You can wash the car together, go to the grocery stores together or lawn the grass, these will teach being responsible and dutiful.

Practice what you preach: Kids are best trained in action than with words. If you want your children to be decent and morally sound you must become their number one role model. As a father you don’t lie to your children. You don’t talk haughtily about family members, friends, colleague or neighbors in the presence of the children. If you do, how do you expect the children to behave differently. You are not just a father you re a leader you knows the way, walks the way and must show the way to the children.

See you @ The TOP

DON’T SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD.

Daddies Day Out With debo.....The facts and truth about fathering in the millenium era. - "The fact is, every father cannot be said to be responsible. But the truth is, every father can be responsible".


“Hey, Toluwani you better behave yourself else I give a spank across you bum” I yelled at my niece to send a message to her she was overstepping the boundaries which she does deliberately at times to test how often she can do things and get away with it, they (children) all do it, I did, you did it so what should be done?

What is spanking and why must we spank? Spanking means to beat or slap loudly and smartly, especially with the hand, a slipper, belt e.t.c usually on the buttocks.
Though I’m not a father yet, but with my experience teaching, working, helping and counselling children (6 years now), I’ve come to realize that discipline is lacking in both parents and children. The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he/she should go when they are old they will not depart from it”. Spanking as a form of discipline is a corrective measure in train up a child. The purpose of spanking is to train, not to punish or vent anger. So many parents due to indiscipline or out of false love have spoilt their children while sparing the rod, a fact to note here is what the Bible says about love and correction “He who the father loves He chastises”
Parents must set boundaries which the children must not cross for the children’s psychological well-being and the children must be made to know the importance of obeying their parents for their own physical safety. A firm boundary must be set backed with immediate and appropriate corrective measures when crossed. These boundaries must be set early in childhood and any defiance should always be answered with an immediate spanking. Parents must learn to teach their children the how and when to listen and obey. As the children grows they start showing some traits of defiance refusing to obey and preferring to have their ways, right at the early discovery of these traits spanking as a corrective measure is most appropriate. To properly do it with love and at the same time effectively, the method of verbal counting down to the actual spanking of 1-2-3. Once the child knows a spanking is coming when you get to 3, you rarely get to 3 before the child listens and obeys. Please note that your children will always want to test your set boundaries, so for you to succeed as a parent your boundaries must be firm, and crossing it must always get a spank; there must be no exceptions no matter how it makes you feel.

When is spanking necessary and useful? Spanking is necessary and useful when children are too young to reason but need to know to obey. Spanking usually becomes necessary by the time children attain the age of two years old and run till age four. When you try to reason with a two year old child, you will know why spanking is valuable. By the time boundaries are well set and enforced the need for spanking will steadily decease from three years on. From age three to six, it’s good to start phasing into time-outs and restrictions as children by now begin to understand and control themselves. Another important tool at this level is to learn to praise children for every good effort and good doings. Please note, after they turn six, spanking should be reduced as a discipline method other method like reasoning, time-out and restriction should be adopted.
When is it right to spank a child? “Success begets success” for a child to learn discipline the parents must first discipline themselves. You must not spank out of anger, transfer of aggression or frustration. Remember spanking is a way of training. Out-of-control, violent or aggressive parents can never have trained or controlled children but abused children. Always spank to correct open and deliberate defiance, refusing to listen or crossing a safety boundary. For sparking to be most effective make it within a short time after the offence, because children have short attention span (one minute per year of age). Immediate spanking is best so they know exactly what they did to get spanked. Note: Nobody but parents should spank the child unless such people understands the parents boundaries and conditions and have the parents’ permission to spank.

What is appropriate spanking? The idea of spanking is to train by making the child feel the pain for defiance but never to cause injuries. Appropriate spanking is striking with an open hand until you see tears and should be on the buttock. Do not slap, belt or starve a child as a form of correcting defiance. Discipline is the most difficult task in parenting. A parent must be disciplined to instil discipline into a child. To be discipline means to do the right things all the time including disciplining a child as at when, where and how necessary. Early and consistent discipline will save both parents and children from difficult times in the future, early and properly administered discipline will improve the child’s self esteem, education and help avoid adolescent and young adult train wrecks so, dear parents always have it at the back of your minds that spanking is to correct out of love, it must not be abused or become violent. It is a better alternative to screaming at a child, name calling, ignoring a child and letting him/her run wild. Be disciplined and methodical on spanking, remember “Sparing the rod will only result to spoiling the child”.