Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact about fathering in the millenium era
Malachi 4 vs 6 - He will turn the heart of fathers to their children and the heart of the children to their fathers; else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
In my search for the answer to the big question of how do we re-visit fathering as a process, I sought the counsel of a father as regards men of old. The old man told me that the burden of improving the well being of our children and our nation lies with every father’s ability to honestly and truthfully answer the following questions.
Do I spend quality time and energy on my child/ren like I do on my job?
Do I give my child/ren the needed love and attention they deserve?
Do I leave the up bringing/training of our child/ren to my wife alone?
Do I invest to reproduce myself in my children?
Do I really know my child/ren well enough to write or speak about him/her?
Once these questions arte honestly answered and necessary, sincere actions are taken to make the needed adjustment, the future of our children and that of the nation is guaranteed.
Here are my definitions of a FATHER.
A father is one who loves his child/ren unconditionally. Unconditional love is loving someone for who he/she is irrespective of attitude, performance or behavioral pattern. It is a special kind of love. One thing I keep telling every father is the fact that the child/ren need(s) more than a father, they need a friend. Fathers love with conditions of I am your father, I am in charge, and friends love unconditionally. Your friendship with your child/ren should be based on a 50-50 bases, you need them as much as they need you. Are you just a father, or both a father and a friend?
A father is one who instills a fatherly legacy. The commonest mistake most fathers make is, they use their intensions of wanting to leave a legacy in term of inheritance for their child/ren as their excuses for being away from the home at all time. A fatherly legacy is not all about money, cars or houses, it has to do with values, principles and virtue that a father instills in his child/ren that will guide the child/ren through life’s challenges and difficulties. Fathers must instill moral and a spiritual value in a way that the value will be passed on and on to generations. Fathers should always look at the value of parenting well and not the cost of bringing up their child/ren.
A father is one who builds effective communication line. As fathers we must learn to communicate with our child/ren and also long for adequate feedback. Our children want to talk; we must learn to listen effectively. We must learn to listen to our child/ren’s feelings; we must always ask questions and be interested in their world. Always ask how they are doing, let them share your feelings too, tell them about your day at work, your achievement and failure, doing this makes them feel loved and important as a part of you.
A father is one who is married to a partner not a competitor. Most fathers are always angry that their children are closer and relate better to their mothers than them. This is often true because most mothers display the 3 attributes mentioned above. Rather than get angry, envious or jealous, learn to work together with your wife to both give the chld/ren the best they need and deserve. The Bible says “can two work together except they agree?’. Partners agree to achieve a common goal; competitors compete to achieve a selfish goal. Ultimately, the best gift any father can give to the child/ren is to love their mother, so fathers do whatever you can do to keep a stable home, no amount of money can heal or fill the vacuum in a broken home.
Make a decision today, be more than just a male figure around your child/ren, make a life long commitment to them. Remember what you cannot stop can eventually stop you. The child you fail to build up may eventually bring down the empire you built.
“The truth is very father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible” – Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa
