SEVEN STEP TO FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY

Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact fathering in the millenium era.

The truth is, Every father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible

In conclusion of our last discussion ‘Fathering the Kingdom Way’, here are seven step that will help in achieving the desired results.

1. Create/Build more than just a house, create a home: What is the difference between a house and a home? A house is a structured building, it can be of any shape, size, it can be expensive, cheap but without love. A house is characterized by constant fighting, arguments, chaos, unforgiveness and good record keeping of each other’s wrong doings. While a home is also a structured building irrespective of its shape, size or cost the foundation is built on LOVE. In a home you see couples complement each other’s effort, while couple compete in a house to see who is a better person or parent. As a father take time to build a home, the sincere love between you and your wife is enough assurance to the child(ren) that they are valued. With love the most difficult wife or child can be tamed to becoming God’s best.

2. Learn to be in charge: Survey have shown that child(ren) who are raised by loving but authoritative parents, who are supportive and respect their child(ren) opinions, views and decisions yet they maintain a firm limit excel academically, have better social skills, have good self confidence and always outperform child(ren) whose parents are either too soft or excessively harsh. It a natural thing, right from babyhood to adult children will always challenge our right to exercise authority over them but as a wise father, you must learn to take control with love. Praise the child(ren) when it is deserved and rebuke where and when due. When fathers fail to take authority and the child(ren) becomes rebellious we have succeeded in helping the child(ren) reduce their number of years on earth (Ephesians 6 vs. 1-4).

3. Define family rules and enforce them promptly: Why do we take out so much time to write or even contact the best consultant to help us write our organizational vision and mission statement and we never bother any6 for the home? Just as staff members are better guided with vision and mission statement, kids are better guided with clear rules and firm consequences. When there is no structure, children become self-absorbed, selfish and unhappy and they will make any father miserable. Children are small people with their own minds and desires and they have inborn tendency to sin, so this end why not make a written list of your household laws, or riles, that the child(re) must obey. Make the list short but precise, less difficult to enforce and easy to remember. Next to the rules write the consequences for breaking them. Make sure the punishments are reasonable and be willing to enforce them. Make a regular review of the rules so all involved knows what is expected of them. Whenever the rules are broken, enforce the consequences quickly but in a calm, firm and consistent way. Do not procrastinate, do not bargain and do not administer punishment when angry.

4. Establish and maintain family routines: As a father you will not be of good help and to the child(ren) if you don’t teach them how to structure their time and keeping up with schedules. Most fathers are guilty of this as we blame it on our hectic work life, we spend long hours working with little or no tome to spend with our child(ren) on a regular basis. Establish and maintain a regular bedtime for the child(ren), make it an habit to eat at least one or two meals a day together as a family, maintain a family alter time which must be binding on everyone. Over the meal you can discuss the day’s activities, talk about problems and laugh together. No pursuit of material possessions must be allowed to crowd out family routine.

5. Acknowledge your child(ren)’s feeling: Every child wants more than just a father, they want a friend. Someone who does not just orders them around, but cares enough to listen to them, concern about their feelings, appreciates them and allows them liberty to express their thought. Fathers are the most important person in a child’s life but easily this position is lost to strangers in the guises of friends. These children have issues bothering them, they are psychological, emotional, spiritual feeling brooding inside them they constantly need someone to talk to and be understood, nut too bad most of us fathers are either too busy to be available or too much in control to allow the child(ren) speak. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. And most children have fallen prey simply because a friend or anybody just showed signs of caring which their fathers never gave and they turn totally to such male figure’s counsel and lead. Take out time to listen to the child(ren) talk, respect their feelings and times seek their counsel and opinion on issues bothering you as parents it gives them confident, love and a sense of belonging.

6. Teach by example: Action they say speaks louder than words, while words only impact information, actions teaches. You can imagine a home where the father tell the child(ren) to be respectful and always speak the truth at all times, yet these same fathers yells at their wives at the slightest provocation and openly tell lies to avoid any inconvenient obligations. What lesson do you think have been taught? We all as fathers are striving to be the best but we must also remember only God is perfect. So whenever and wherever we find ourselves fall short of expectations rather than acting perfect or being bossy we must learn to use such times to teach good lessons. Learn to accept responsibilities, learn to be apologetic, learn to uphold your integrity for there is a little eye seating quietly there all it sees is you and all the little mind envision to become is you. Fathers are role models, the question is - Are you worth emulating?

7. Seek God advice: Many people will say “if you are having problems with your child(ren) seek the experts’ advice”. Have you thought about thi9s, do you know how many child psychologists in the world today having problems with their children? Do you know that the greatest preacher Kenneth Hagins grandson was hooked on drugs for years? Then what are we talking about, for you to succeed as a father you must seek God’s counsel. He gave the child(ren) in the first place, they are not yours, you are only the one to take care of them. When you are given a n assignment or a task to perform and you are having problems getting it done what do you do? You get back to whoever gave you the task for further explanation, directive and guide on how to go about it. So why do fathers leave aside God to seek the so-called expert advice on the issues of their child(ren). Remember Proverbs 3 vs. 5.

If we as fathers can patiently, practically & prayerfully adopt and apply these seven principles, we sure will succeed in our task of Fathering the Kingdom Way. See you @ the TOP.

FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY

Daddies Day Out with Debo....The truth and fact about fathering in the millenium era.

What does a kingdom mean? Kingdom simply implies a domain where one reign as a king/an authority. So God’s kingdom is a place where God is the king and authority of.

Fathering the kingdom way is raising up the child(ren) WHERE, WHEN and HOW God has ordered. In fathering the kingdom way the first question a father must honestly answer is, whose child(ren) is it or are they in the first instance? Yours or God’s? Psalm 127 vs. 3 says: “Children are a GIFT from God” (TLB). A child is a gift, a gift of opportunity entrusted to us like a cherished assignment. Every father should count themselves honoured to have God’s most treasured creation the young, innocent and precious lives committed to their care. As a father you should be proud you are deemed responsible enough to nurture to adult God’s best.
The precious gifts are given with a price tag and how high is this price? The price of fathering the kingdom way is SACRIFICE. Sacrifices in our careers, finances and time.

Career Sacrifice: No matter our career choices as fathers we MUST make choices with the welfare of our child(ren) in mind. A Japanese man Takeshi Tamura who works as a senior executive with the Japanese National Railways gave up his job to be there for his son who was heading towards real trouble due to his involvement with unsavoury associations. When asked how he feels about his decision, he said “it is perhaps the best decision I ever made. Spending more time with my son and doing things together, including studying the Bible with him, had a remarkable effect. We became friends and he cut off his bad associations and improper behaviour”. I always tell any parent who cares to listen that the child(ren) needs more than a dad or mum, they need a friend. Are you a friend to your child(ren)?

Financial Sacrifice: It is not money but the love for money that is the root of all evil. Everybody’s excuse for getting up very early, coming home very late or not coming at all as always been to make more money, so life can be comfortable. NO! A friend of mine who happens to be a single father out of various job opportunities opened to him chose the one with the most flexible hour, he said “Though the salary isn’t fantastic being able to take the time off to be with my daughter makes it worth it”. – Remember, no single penny spent, no expense incurred on a child is a waste, it’s an investment into your future. It a natural law of sowing and reaping.

Time Sacrifice: T o a child love is spelt T.I.M.E. what you spend most of your time on decide the of person you are and it is what you are most passionate about. To some it is money, to some it is their career; to some it is fun but to Bob a Christian psychiatrist I read about, it is spending more time interacting with his children. He said, “I’m spending much more time with my four children than I would have if I had not seen in my psychiatric practise, so many bad results of the father absence from raising up his child(ren). Pay now, play later or play now, pay later. Either way you will pay – John Maxwell’s father. “Spend time building the child(ren) now or spend time correcting them later. Either way you will spend time” – Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa.

Proverbs 22 vs. 6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 29 vs. 17 says: Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

The child(ren) are gifts, they are not yours. You are only a caretaker and one day the rightful owner will appear, and you shall give account. As fathers how well you brought up your child(ren) will be rewarded here on earth. In Psalm 127 vs. 3-5 says:
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

As fathers when you are blessed with issues it does not matter the number, you are blessed for the child(ren) is a physical part of God in your home. And with your child(ren) you have:
· Advantage over your adversaries poverty, illiteracy e.t.c because your children are weapons with which you can break all barriers.
· The child(ren) increases your boldness and confidence as a father, like an army general with a well groomed troop in respective of number is full of boldness.

Raising a child(ren) is one of the most taxing yet fulfilling, frustrating yet rewarding task any man can attempt. As fathers we only have this one life and one opportunity at raising our child(ren) and to succeed at this, what we need is the counsel of the master, the extra-ordinary strategist – GOD. Proverbs 3 vs. 5 says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. You can be a chartered accountant, a sound economist, a trained child psychologist, all kudos to you but when it comes to fathering the kingdom way do not lean on your own understanding, rather trust in the Lord by seeking His counsel on how to raise the child(ren) the way they should go so when they grow they will not depart from it. The question now is, is your home God’s kingdom? are you raising up the child(ren) when, where and how God want it?

Watch out for the concluding part of FATHERING THE KINGDOM WAY. Thank you and God bless, see you @ the Top.

WHO IS A FATHER? PART 2.

Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact about fathering in the millenium era

Malachi 4 vs 6 - He will turn the heart of fathers to their children and the heart of the children to their fathers; else I will come and strike the land with a curse.

In my search for the answer to the big question of how do we re-visit fathering as a process, I sought the counsel of a father as regards men of old. The old man told me that the burden of improving the well being of our children and our nation lies with every father’s ability to honestly and truthfully answer the following questions.

Do I spend quality time and energy on my child/ren like I do on my job?

Do I give my child/ren the needed love and attention they deserve?

Do I leave the up bringing/training of our child/ren to my wife alone?

Do I invest to reproduce myself in my children?

Do I really know my child/ren well enough to write or speak about him/her?

Once these questions arte honestly answered and necessary, sincere actions are taken to make the needed adjustment, the future of our children and that of the nation is guaranteed.

Here are my definitions of a FATHER.

A father is one who loves his child/ren unconditionally. Unconditional love is loving someone for who he/she is irrespective of attitude, performance or behavioral pattern. It is a special kind of love. One thing I keep telling every father is the fact that the child/ren need(s) more than a father, they need a friend. Fathers love with conditions of I am your father, I am in charge, and friends love unconditionally. Your friendship with your child/ren should be based on a 50-50 bases, you need them as much as they need you. Are you just a father, or both a father and a friend?

A father is one who instills a fatherly legacy. The commonest mistake most fathers make is, they use their intensions of wanting to leave a legacy in term of inheritance for their child/ren as their excuses for being away from the home at all time. A fatherly legacy is not all about money, cars or houses, it has to do with values, principles and virtue that a father instills in his child/ren that will guide the child/ren through life’s challenges and difficulties. Fathers must instill moral and a spiritual value in a way that the value will be passed on and on to generations. Fathers should always look at the value of parenting well and not the cost of bringing up their child/ren.

A father is one who builds effective communication line. As fathers we must learn to communicate with our child/ren and also long for adequate feedback. Our children want to talk; we must learn to listen effectively. We must learn to listen to our child/ren’s feelings; we must always ask questions and be interested in their world. Always ask how they are doing, let them share your feelings too, tell them about your day at work, your achievement and failure, doing this makes them feel loved and important as a part of you.

A father is one who is married to a partner not a competitor. Most fathers are always angry that their children are closer and relate better to their mothers than them. This is often true because most mothers display the 3 attributes mentioned above. Rather than get angry, envious or jealous, learn to work together with your wife to both give the chld/ren the best they need and deserve. The Bible says “can two work together except they agree?’. Partners agree to achieve a common goal; competitors compete to achieve a selfish goal. Ultimately, the best gift any father can give to the child/ren is to love their mother, so fathers do whatever you can do to keep a stable home, no amount of money can heal or fill the vacuum in a broken home.

Make a decision today, be more than just a male figure around your child/ren, make a life long commitment to them. Remember what you cannot stop can eventually stop you. The child you fail to build up may eventually bring down the empire you built.

“The truth is very father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible” – Baiye Adebowale Folarinwa

Daddies Day Out With Debo....The truth and fact fathering in the millenium era.

The truth is, Every father cannot be said to be responsible, but the fact is every father can be responsible

WHO IS A FATHER? Part 1

Malachi 4 vs 6 - He will turn the heart of fathers to their children and the heart of the children to their fathers; else I will come and strike the land with a curse.

Recently in a bus, an issue came up between an elderly man and a teenage boy. The boy who believed he was right replied the elderly man word for word for all his rebukings. Seeing the boy unrepentant attitude the elderly man summed him up as 'OMOKOMO' meaning a miserable child, but rather than been remorseful, to the amazement of everyone in the bus, the boy confidently replied the elderly man "Baba ki baba wa lafi ni omokomo, ikan de niyin' - meaning "the exisitence of miserable fathers gave rise to the existence of miserable children of which you are one of such fathers ".

I felt the pang of this young boy's words and attitude towards the elderly man, though very rude and annoying but what keeps disturbing my spirit is the 'Bittertruth' of his rude statement, not of the elderly man as a a miserable person but of miserable children as a result of miserable fathers. This bittertruth provoked a question in my spirit which is, Who is a father?

The longman dictionarty of contemporary English defines a father as a male parent. Men of old or the past from whom we are descended. As fathers we have the ability to influence our children's life in the most fundamental ways. In a recent survey I carried out among successful men in their forties, I asked what was that one thing responsible for their success and over 70% affirmed it is the person of their fathers, their relationship and the time spent with their fathers. This is how important and influencial we are and we can be as fathers. Then the question is, can same be said of fathers in this millenium era.

The today fathers are seen as uncessary in training a child in the family. Fathers of this age easily bail out themselves of parenting with excuses of working round the clock to provide for the home. Fatherlessness as a result of pervasive and continous absentism from the home due to tight schedule is now responsible for the series of juvenile crimes. Over 60% of crimes comitted in the last decade are by the youths ranging from rape, hooliganism, gangsterism, robbery, cultism, murdrer e.t.c. This statistic is more likely to grow over time as the rate of teen pregancies is on the increase and a larger number of these teen and would-be-fathers are locked up in jails or remand institutions for onr crime or the other chances are, the next generation are most likely to be raised without fathers.

To help improve on the well being of our children,guard against a repetition of the bus scene and develop our nation at large, fathering as aprocess must be re-visited. The question now is HOW?

.....To be continued.